## Introduction: *Dulce et Decorum Est* (Wilfred Owen)

 

 

The First World War took place between 1914 and 1918 and was often called the “Great War” or a “war to end all wars.” Wilfred Owen, a war poet and soldier, wrote about his experiences and what he saw happening to soldiers at the front.

 

He described how men struggled with basic survival. Food and money were scarce. Soldiers carried heavy equipment on their backs and often became exhausted. Many were so tired they felt like they were sleepwalking. Some sank into the mud and even lost their boots.

 

Owen also described the brutal effects of war. Bomb explosions, smoke, dust, bullets, and poison gas (such as mustard gas) caused deafness, blindness, breathing problems, coughing, choking, and severe injuries. Many soldiers either died or were left disabled for life. Even those who returned home were often never the same again.

 

His poem *Dulce et Decorum Est* challenges the idea that war is noble or glorious.

 

---

 

## Granny

 

My Granny used to sit and talk to her friends and family in her chair. Like many grandmothers, she would sometimes fall asleep peacefully in her rocking chair, like a baby in a cot.

 

Now her chair is empty.

 

She had naturally curly silver-grey hair and kind eyes. I felt lost without her, especially when visiting her home where my father lives.

 

After she died, I also saw my grandfather, father, and uncle grieving her loss. At her funeral, we said goodbye. I did not cry, because she would not have wanted that. She lived to a grand age of 83.

 

(1997–2000)

 

---

 

## Fiction Stories

 

As a child, I often imagined fairy tales were real.

 

When I saw woods, I thought of *Little Red Riding Hood*. At night, I became frightened, imagining the Big Bad Wolf coming out of the wardrobe. Even though there were no woods outside my home at the time, the story felt real to me.

 

I believed these stories for many years. I was unsure what was real and what was imagination.

 

Over time, I learned that many stories are fiction, created from imagination. I also began to question ideas about ghosts and supernatural events.

 

(1997–2000)

 

---

 

## The Big Tiger

 

The big tiger will bite if he needs to bite.

You might wake up in the night with fear.

The tiger has bright orange stripes and looks powerful and dangerous.

 

(1997–2012)

 

---

 

## Why Does It Happen?

 

Wouldn’t it be better to sleep in peace without losing the people we love?

 

Many believe conflict is caused by differences in religion, nationality, and skin colour. It would be better if there was less violence in the world.

 

We all want freedom, peace, and a better future for children. However, history shows that many generations have hoped for peace, yet war continues.

 

We are all human beings. The world would be boring if everyone were the same. We need to accept differences and learn to live together.

 

(2001–2003–2012)

 

---

 

## War Verse

 

Grey planes flying in the sky.

Bleeding wounds and bodies on the ground.

Ships sailing across the water.

 

Some soldiers live, others die.

Love and home are what people long for.

 

(2001)

 

---

 

## First World War

 

The First World War was called the Great War, but no war is truly great.

 

Soldiers suffered in mud-filled trenches. Many lost their lives or returned injured. Poison gas caused serious injuries and long-term damage.

 

Men wore gas masks to protect themselves from explosions and toxic air. Many soldiers sank into mud and were injured or killed.

 

This war showed the horror of human conflict.

 

We should remember the young men who died, many of whom never had the chance to experience life fully.

 

(2001–2003–2012)

 

---

 

## The Second World War (Reflection)

 

War brought sadness to families waiting for loved ones.

 

There was uncertainty about survival. Death and suffering were everywhere, but people still tried to continue life as best they could.

 

There is no perfect world, but war makes it worse.

 

(2001)

 

---

 

## War Poem

 

It is time to say goodbye.

Memories remain of sadness, tears, and love.

The future is uncertain.

No one knows if loved ones will return from war.

 

(2001)

 

---

 

## John Lennon

 

John Lennon was a member of The Beatles and believed strongly in peace.

 

He wrote songs and created art that encouraged people to live without war.

 

His death shocked the world, and many believe he wanted a peaceful life.

 

(2001)

 

---

 

## Freedom at Last

 

Looking to the future is difficult.

 

Young people grow up hoping for peace. Many risk their lives for others.

 

Wouldn’t it be better if we could finally say “freedom at last” and live without war?

 

(2001)

 

---

 

## You’ve Lived a Good Long Life

 

This reflects on a grandfather who lived through war.

 

He experienced hardship, loss, and survival during the Second World War. Despite this, he lived a long life and returned home to his family.

 

We thank him for his bravery and sacrifices. Without people like him, we would not be here today.

 

He taught us strength, resilience, and how to cope with difficult times.

 

We remember him with love and respect.

 

Rest in peace.

 

(2001–2003–2012)

 

---

 

## Love and War

 

Partners are separated by war.

 

Families wait anxiously for loved ones to return. Fear, loss, and uncertainty are constant.

 

But love remains strong, even through distance and hardship.

 

(1997–2001–2012)

 

---

 

## The First World War Soldier’s Mind

 

It is winter in the trenches.

 

Mud surrounds everything. Bombs fall. Friends are lost. Christmas feels far away.

 

There is only survival and memory.

 

(2001)

 

---

 

## People Left Behind

 

War causes deep sadness for families and friends.

 

Many are left grieving loved ones who never return home.

 

It is important to remember their pain and honour those who were lost.

 

(2001)

 

---

 

## Conclusion

 

We cannot fully understand what soldiers experienced in war.

 

Wilfred Owen wrote *Dulce et Decorum Est* to show the truth of suffering and to challenge the idea that war is glorious.

 

His message reminds us to remember the reality of war and hope that future generations will live in peace.

 

📘 1. CLEAN BOOK / BLOG MANUSCRIPT VERSION

🐀 Rats (1997–2000)

 

Rats are furry and black.

Rats can be very fat across their backs.

 

Down rat holes they go,

hiding from being eaten.

 

🏰 Fairy Tale Land (1999)

 

When I was little, I dreamed of being a princess

and meeting my handsome prince.

 

How untrue fairy tales can feel

after growing up believing them.

 

🌞 August (1999)

 

August is the middle of the summer holidays.

It is the eighth month of the year.

 

It is the last summer month

before cold September begins.

 

🍂 September (1999)

 

September can be warm or cold.

Light nights become shorter.

 

Leaves fall from green to brown

as autumn arrives.

 

🏠 Why Are Some People Homeless?

 

Some people are homeless due to family breakdowns.

Some lose homes after relationships end.

 

Some children are born into homelessness.

Some have no family support.

 

Stories like Oliver Twist and Jane Eyre show this.

Today things are better, but problems still exist.

 

⚠ Young People Today

 

We live in a dangerous world.

Even walking down the street can feel unsafe.

 

Not all children are bad,

but some lose right and wrong.

 

Adults can also lose control.

Life feels uncertain for everyone.

 

🔮 What Happens Tomorrow?

 

Today there is hurt and pain.

Yesterday there was happiness.

 

Will tomorrow be better or worse?

We must hope things improve.

 

💪 We All Have Something to Live For

 

Tell yourself you have a life.

You can get where you want to be.

 

Life is what you make it.

 

🌈 Not All Dreams Come True

 

Follow your heart and mind.

Let life happen as it will.

 

Happiness comes to those who wait.

 

🎨 Every Picture Tells a Story

 

Your mind is full of pictures.

Ideas come fast and sometimes feel messy.

 

Writing is sometimes hard to control,

but ideas always exist.

 

💔 Age 27 (1997 Reflection)

 

At age 27, it was a bad year.

My heart was broken.

 

Life felt like a dark tunnel.

Writing poetry saved me.

 

Writers like Kurt Cobain and Jim Morrison

also struggled with depression.

 

♿ Disabled World

 

I have lived in a disabled world since birth.

But I am still human like everyone else.

 

We all make mistakes.

We all have good and bad days.

 

✍ When I Write

 

I worry about spelling and grammar.

I write quickly when ideas come.

 

Sometimes I feel guilty for writing too much.

But writing helps me think.

 

💔 It’s Hard to Believe

 

It is hard to accept you are gone.

Birthdays are not the same without you.

 

We miss you and love you.

 

🌹 Happy Birthday Nan

 

Happy birthday Nan.

I hope you are at peace.

 

You are free from pain now.

But we still miss you.

 

💭 How Unkind Life Can Be

 

You should not be gone so young.

Life should be full of sunshine and love.

 

Something feels missing.

 

🎤 I Dream About Queen

 

I dream about Freddie Mercury.

He was creative and unique.

 

He was both strong and gentle.

A true artist.

 

⚰ How I Remember You

 

I did not know you personally.

But I still think about you.

 

You were taken too soon.

 

🌍 All Change

 

Life has changed a lot.

People used to share more.

 

Now people want more but feel less happy.

 

💄 What Do Women Like?

 

Make-up, jewellery, clothes.

But I don’t ask for much.

 

I just want enough to live.

 

😢 I Don’t Want to Get Old

 

I don’t want to grow old.

I want to stay myself.

 

I want peace when I die.

 

⚖ Life Isn’t Always Fair

 

Life is not always fair.

Crime, drugs, and violence exist.

 

But we must keep going.

 

💖 Teenage Girls Today

 

Many girls compare themselves to magazines.

They feel not good enough.

 

We must learn to value ourselves.

 

🏚 Jack and John (Story Idea)

 

Two boys worked in mines.

They came home covered in coal dust.

 

They worked to keep their home.

 

🏠 Why Are People Homeless?

 

Some are homeless from birth.

Some through family breakdowns.

 

We must help where we can.

 

🧹 Living

 

Washing, cleaning, cooking, shopping.

This is everyday life.

 

💅 Beauty in Women

 

Women spend time on appearance.

Is it worth it? Maybe.

 

🌷 Spring

 

Daffodils bloom.

Lambs are born.

 

Spring brings life again.

 

🏛 The Year 2000

 

The new century brings change.

Some good, some bad.

 

Life continues.

 

📚 I Work in a Library

 

I sort books and read them.

I enjoy learning and writing.

 

It is my happy place.

 

🏫 School Bullies

 

School was not happy for me.

Bullying made life hard.

 

Teachers did not always help.

 

🌞 Summer Months

 

June, July, August.

Time for holidays and sea.

 

🌫 Fog Story (Jack)

 

A boy gets lost in fog.

His parents search for him.

 

He is found on a hill.

 

🐶 It’s a Dog’s Life

 

Dogs eat, sleep, and walk.

They are loyal and playful.

 

👶 Unlucky Child (History)

 

Children worked in mines and chimneys.

They had little food or rest.

 

Life was very hard.

 

🌍 Lives

 

Animals live different lives.

Humans share one world.

 

🌡 Health in the Past

 

People died from simple illness.

Medicine has improved today.

 

❄ Weather

 

Rain, sun, wind, and storms.

British weather changes fast.

 

🧍 Human Body

 

Eyes see, ears hear, hands touch.

Every part has a purpose.

 

🐘 Animals

 

Elephants, lions, giraffes, squirrels.

All unique in nature.

 

🍁 Autumn

 

Leaves fall and change colour.

Nature prepares for winter.

 

♿ My Disability

 

I can walk, write, and live independently.

I am grateful for what I can do.

 

🌬 Wind and Storm

 

Storms can be frightening.

But nature always changes.

 

👨 Father

 

My father and I get on well.

We talk and share life.

 

⏳ Time Goes By

 

Childhood becomes adulthood.

Time moves quickly.

 

🌍 21st Century

 

The new century brings change.

Life goes on.

 

😔 Sorry I Am Here

 

I once felt unwanted.

But I learned I matter.

 

🧸 I Once

 

I once believed in fairy tales.

I once believed in magic.

 

🌱 Getting Old

 

Aches, wrinkles, wisdom.

Life changes over time.

 

🐴 Animals & Lives

 

Animals all live different lives.

Each has its own way.

 

💭 Writing

 

My mind is full of ideas.

Sometimes it is blank.

 

Writing helps me think. # Sara Gorman Poetry Collection (1996–2005)

 

---

 

## Summer at Last

 

**Monday, 29 June 2009**

 

Summer is here at last but goes far too fast.

The unhappy winter has gone on for too long.

The trees are covered with green leaves—dark, light and bright green.

The birds are singing in the leaves and eaves.

 

(1997–2000)

 

---

 

## Just a Poem

 

How do you write a poem?

In a poem you can write the words that you love.

You write the poem on paper then type it out to put in a book.

 

What subject can you write poetry about?

You can write about friendship.

You can write about love.

You can write about the stars up, high, down and above.

You can write about anything you want and anything that comes to your mind.

 

Poetry is a shorter way to show your and people's feelings about life without writing a story.

A story book is lovely to read and look.

 

(1997–2000)

 

---

 

## I'm Your Secret Valentine (Late 1996 – Early 1997)

 

Please be my secret valentine.

Wherever you are, please come to my mind.

I want someone to love me for me one day at the right time.

 

I have never met anyone who truly wants to be mine.

I am always told there is someone out there for someone at sometime.

 

Who is the valentine girl for you and the valentine boy for me?

Just you wait and see.

Come on valentine, guess who I could be?

 

---

 

## My Mind is All Over the Place (1997)

 

There must be men out there as true as Antonio.

Why can't I find a love who wants me for me?

Why can't I love who I want to be with?

 

Why are feelings not the same?

Still life is not all about me.

 

---

 

## Please Please Make My Day (1997)

 

Please make my day by coming back to me.

Please write me a letter, please give me a call.

Please ask how I am.

 

Why have you destroyed my heart and left me sad and blue?

Love is hard when feelings are not returned.

 

---

 

## I Never Want to Love Again (Winter 1996–1997)

 

I never want to love again.

Love brings pain and fear of hurt.

 

My heart fears pain more than love.

I am frightened of falling too easily.

 

---

 

## I Treasure Only One History Love (1997)

 

He was a gentle, loving gentleman.

He gave me love for two and a half years.

 

Flowers, cards, smiles, and care.

I treasure that love in my lonely heart.

 

---

 

## I Think I Am Having a Breakdown (1997–2000)

 

I feel like I am cracking up.

I do not know what to do or where to turn.

 

Something is pushing me over the edge.

 

*(Note: written during a very difficult time.)*

 

---

 

## Life (2002)

 

Why is there a world?

Why are we ever born?

 

Life can hit you without warning, so make the most of it.

 

---

 

## Disability and Work (6 August 2002)

 

Why put people with disabilities down?

We should be given a chance to live and work.

 

We may be slower, but we can still do a good job with support.

 

---

 

## Words That Come to Mind (7 August 2002)

 

I look forward to snow on the windows.

Winter comes alive with snow.

 

---

 

## My Disability (12–18 August 2002)

 

We need support and understanding.

We need time to learn and grow.

 

---

 

## How Did He Write? (19–21 August 2002)

 

How did he write without sight?

People with disabilities are creative and strong.

 

---

 

## Jonathan Swift (1667–1745) (22–23 August 2002)

 

He wrote about the sea and ships.

People with epilepsy and disabilities can still achieve.

 

---

 

## Christmas Eve (2002)

 

Father Christmas came down the chimney.

Good boys and girls get presents.

 

---

 

## Christmas Day (2002)

 

The Christmas tree was outside in the snow.

We were happy with simple things like oranges and nuts.

 

---

 

## Burt the Bird (29 July 2002)

 

Burt the blackbird sang in many words.

He lived in a strange bird world.

 

---

 

## Everyday God Brings a New Day (21–27 October 2002)

 

Every day is different.

Life is what you make it.

 

---

 

## To Get Along in Life (2003)

 

Be honest. Be strong.

Do your best in life.

 

---

 

## The World (3–19 March 2003)

 

Why war and crime?

We all want peace.

 

---

 

## Art (March 2003)

 

Art is feelings and life.

Every picture tells a story.

 

---

 

## Childhood (27 May 2003)

 

I was an autistic child.

I felt alone and scared sometimes.

 

---

 

## The Next Morning (29 December 2003)

 

After drinking too much, I feel ill and tired.

Life is too short to waste.

 

---

 

## Cruel World (30 December 2003)

 

Why did death come so early?

Life feels unfair sometimes.

 

---

 

## Talking to the Graves (2003–2005)

 

I wonder if you are real or a dream.

I talk to you in my thoughts.

 

---

 

## Think About (30 December 2003)

 

Think about good and bad in the world.

There is more bad news, but love still exists.

 

---

 

## Life (30 December 2003)

 

Some people have nothing, yet they smile.

What is life really about?

 

---

 

## Animals (30 December 2003)

 

Animals feel love and fear like humans.

We should treat them kindly.

 

---

 

## Spiders (12–16 April 2004)

 

Some people love spiders, some hate them.

I am not scared, but I do not like surprises.

 

---

 

## Why Am I Unhappy (15–16 April 2004)

 

Life feels difficult sometimes.

Work and support are hard to find.

 

---

 

## Depression (19 April 2004)

 

Sometimes I feel happy or sad for no reason.

Emotions come and go.

 

---

 

## Life Goes On (20–21 April 2004)

 

Life moves through childhood, adulthood, and old age.

We all ask why we are here.

 

---

 

## Home for Me (22 April 2004)

 

Home is where I write, draw, and think.

It is my safe place.

 

---

 

## My Nightmare (23 April 2004)

 

I fear getting old and losing myself.

I just want to be me.

 

---

 

## Have I Been Sleeping? (26–27 April 2004)

 

Sometimes I cannot tell if I am asleep or awake.

Sleep feels confusing.

 

---

 

## It’s Not Easy to Make Myself Understood (July 2004)

 

I struggle to explain myself.

I want acceptance and understanding.

 

---

 

## Life is Too Short to Waste (29 July–1 August 2004)

 

Choose what you want from life.

Enjoy the good moments.

 

---

 

## Christmas (2004)

 

Christmas has changed over time.

It is not the same as before.

 

---

 

## How I Hate Sundays (31 December 2004)

 

Sundays feel too short and quiet.

Time moves quickly.

 

---

 

## In the Mood to Write (31 December 2004)

 

Sometimes my mind is full, sometimes blank.

Writing helps me express feelings.

 

---

 

## Understanding People with Autism (7 January 2005)

 

We are often misunderstood.

We need acceptance and support.

 

---

 

## The World Today (12 May 2005)

 

Technology helps but also changes life.

We depend on it more than before.

 

---

 

## The Bad in Today’s Life (13 May 2005)

 

Crime and violence affect society.

We need more safety and care.

 

---

 

## The Good About Today’s World (14 May 2005)

 

We can speak more openly now.

Awareness has improved.

 

---

 

## Remember, Never Forget (15 May 2005)

 

Think about those less fortunate.

We should not be selfish.

 

---

 

## Go For It! (1 June 2005)

 

Do not waste time.

Follow your dreams.

 

---

 

## Breaking Point Problem (12 June 2005)

 

The mind is complex and confusing.

We do not always understand ourselves.

 

---

 

## Silly Sayings (13 June 2005)

 

Take life step by step.

Be patient with progress.

 

---

 

## It’s Another World (14 June 2005)

 

Make believe is imagination.

Stories can create new worlds.

 

---

 

## There Were Days of Respect (15 June 2005)

 

People once knew their neighbours.

Respect was stronger then.

 

---

 

## Difference Worlds (16 June 2005)

 

The world has changed.

Crime and rules are different now.

 

---

 

## You Yourself (17 June 2005)

 

Only you can choose your path.

Your life is your responsibility.

 

---

 

## Where Do We Go? (18 June 2005)

 

Questions about heaven and life remain unknown.

No one has all the answers.

 

---

 

## About Me (19 June 2005)

 

I can be happy, sad, serious or funny.

I am like everyone in many ways.

 

---

 

## British Weather (30 June 2005)

 

The weather changes all the time.

It is never the same.

 

---

 

## Our World (10 May 2005)

 

Life is always changing.

We cannot control everything.

 

---

 

## To Build a Story (13 May 2005)

 

Stories need characters and settings.

They need imagination.

 

---

 

## The Bird Watcher Who Spies (15 July 2005)

 

A school story with humour and misunderstanding.

(Short story extract)

 

---

 

## Why Are We Ever Born? (15 July 2005)

 

Life is full of questions.

The future is unknown.

 

---

 

## I Went to Bed With the Clock (16 July 2005)

 

I learned time from a young age.

I still love clocks today.

 

---

 

## People With Disabilities (17 July 2005)

 

We deserve respect and equality.

We are human beings like everyone else.

 

---

 

## Disability People’s Ability (18 July 2005)

 

People with disabilities have many talents.

We can create, write, and sing.

 

---

 

## Walking Into a Dark Hole (23 July 2005)

 

A dream-like journey through darkness and fear.

(Story-poem)

 

---

 

## Unknown Title (11 August 2005)

 

A reflection on imagination and war.

A character imagined in a story.

 

---

 

## I Wish (12 August 2005)

 

I wish I could know the truth.

Dreams and reality mix together.

 

---

 

## All Change (16 August 2005)

 

Times have changed since the past.

Children had less but were happy.

 

---

 

## Talking to the Graves (19 August 2005)

 

Questions about life, death, and imagination continue.

A continuing theme of reflection.

 

---

 

## END OF COLLECTION

 

🌧️ How unkind life can be (20.08.2005)

 

You should not be inside a coffin, under a gravestone.

You should be with me in the lovely sunshine.

We should be in a romantic wood, just you and me.

 

We should be spending time together on a sunny afternoon, watching the birds sing.

You should not be in heaven—if you are, I am too.

I may well be in this unhappy world, but only without you.

 

There is hardly much happiness in the world today.

Now that I am in heaven with you, I know I will be missed by many people on earth, but that’s just a dream.

I must be on earth because it is cold—there are no joys of spring, just cold winter weather.

 

💔 Why keep it quiet (December 2006)

 

There are still things we don’t understand.

We can’t let it go until we understand our own lives.

 

People think that we should know what’s wrong.

Why do we both feel so down? Things are going wrong, yet we still love one another.

 

Why do you care what people think anyway?

Why do you let people get between us?

 

I am sick and tired of people telling me you are the wrong person for me—yet it could be true.

I can’t help it if I am in love with you.

 

Yet you tell me people say I am the wrong person for you—maybe it could be true, but so what about what people say?

 

I know people think we are out of our minds.

Maybe we are not right for one another, but it’s hard to control love.

 

🌧️ I never know what I want (December 2006)

 

I never want to stay in, but sometimes I don’t want to go out and do myself in with how I feel.

 

I get so depressed, but don’t ask me why.

I love being around people and need something to keep my mind busy.

 

Like all of us, I have good and bad days.

 

Today there are still too many bad things said about race.

Society lets us down.

 

There is too much crime in the world.

It’s hard to believe in happiness in today’s world.

 

There have always been wars, and still are today.

This is why the world depresses me more.

 

✍️ Why do I write sad poems? (December 2006)

 

Take me like a pinch of salt—not too seriously.

Poetry is just my way of writing how I feel from day to day.

 

Some poems may be happy, others may be sad.

I hope one day my poems will get better.

I hope one day I will be happy and not feel like taking my own life.

 

I hope one day I will feel strong enough to leave the partner I am with now and love someone right for me.

 

I hope to get work one day instead of being stuck on benefits—it is making me depressed.

 

I believe there is a light at the end of the tunnel.

I have fallen down and got back up before—I will do it again.

 

🌙 In a different world (December 2006)

 

It would be lovely to see the angels.

It would be lovely to see the fairies.

Forget the witches—maybe remember the wizards.

Become the ghost of love.

 

🏚️ Poor times (December 2006)

 

Washing lines.

Children dressed in rags begging for money on street corners.

Rats wandering in the pouring rain.

People living on bread and water.

 

Young boys and men working down the mines.

Young boys chimney sweeping.

 

What is the world coming to with unemployment?

 

💞 Us (December 2006)

 

We met one another in our twenties.

We are both in our mid to late thirties now.

 

We have been together on and off.

Who would have thought we would get back together?

 

Deep down I hoped—but maybe I am starting to think it was the wrong thing.

 

One problem is that feeling called love.

Good, bad, wrong or right—feelings are hard to control.

 

I still love you now, and I am sure you love me too.

 

💔 You took my world away (December 2006)

 

You left me crying every day and night.

At night I could not sleep.

 

When I looked out my window, the sky was dull and grey without you.

My fear was you would never love me again.

 

I kept hoping you would love me again.

It took four years for us to get back together.

 

⏳ The days are long (December 2006)

 

It does not matter what time I get up—the days still seem long.

Time clicks slowly. It never seems to end.

 

At college, the day passes differently.

At home it feels like a prison cell until evening.

 

Getting out gives me freedom—it stops me thinking and feeling sorry for myself.

 

The mind is like a box—you open the lid and see what’s inside.

If it thinks something it should not, you take control over it.

 

🕯️ Romance (December 2006)

 

Lighten up my life with candlelight.

Send me flowers and give me power.

 

Come with me, we’ll stay in the shower for half an hour.

Please be sweet, do not be sour.

 

I love you and you love me—

Is that not enough to see?

 

I kiss you and you kiss me.

Maybe we can be happy.

 

🌈 Everyday feelings (December 2006)

 

Some days I am in a hot mood.

Other days I am in a cold mood.

 

Friday I felt tearful.

Saturday I felt sad, angry, and in tears.

 

Sunday my feelings kept changing from happy to sad.

This happens all week long.

 

Tomorrow is just another day.

 

🧩 I wish I was a different kind of person (December 2006)

 

I wish I could be a writer, but that may be wishful thinking.

I wish I could live with my boyfriend without losing benefits.

 

Everyone hates tax, but life goes on.

Without work there is no life.

 

All I wish for is peace.

Otherwise I wish to die young if life is not worth living.

 

I just want a part-time job, even a little money.

Depression is taking over my life.

 

🌌 Where am I going? (December 2006)

 

It seems like a long walk.

It is dark and far away.

 

What will I see at the end?

I am scared—I want to stop.

 

Will I stay standing or fall down?

There is no knowing where it will end.

 

I still love you—just tell me if you want to be free.

 

🦋 How long? (December 2006)

 

How long and high is it to get to the sky?

When I get there I will fly when I die.

 

I will be like a butterfly or bird in the sky.

Like an angel with wings, I will fly.

 

❤️ Please never change (December 2006)

 

I love you because you are you.

I hope that is the way to be.

I hope this will never change for you and me.

 

🏠 On my own (December 2006)

 

I am in my flat.

Time clicks slowly.

 

I cannot wait to walk out the door.

Then I come back to four walls again.

 

Same stars, same routine tomorrow.

 

💭 Love (December 2006)

 

Love is hard to find.

When you find it, it is hard to control.

 

It can go wrong and end in tears.

It takes time to move on.

 

You fall down, you get back up again.

Take chances—what will be will be.

 

🌼 For life to be worth living (December 2006)

 

Forget the rain and clouds.

Forget frost, fog, sleet, and snow.

 

Think of green grass and daffodils.

Think of sunshine and blue sky.

 

Life would feel less depressing like this.

But not everything stays good for long.

 

🕊️ Say goodbye to life (December 2006)

 

I say goodbye to bad things in life.

Take the easy way out—go to heaven.

 

There is too much crime and sadness.

Not enough work for young people.

 

Society feels depressing, but maybe there is a way forward.

 

🧠 I don’t think I have anything to get upset about (December 2006)

 

I feel low but don’t know why.

I feel upset and angry.

 

I feel like I don’t want to live.

I just want to disappear.

 

I want to cope on my own.

I wish I could be happy again.

 

🌧️ How do we explain? (December 2006)

 

People say it’s all in our minds.

We should snap out of it—but we can’t.

 

Sometimes we cry for no reason.

We feel guilty and foolish afterwards.

 

Tears come when you cannot control them.

 

😔 Why do I feel? (December 2006)

 

Why don’t I want to eat?

Why don’t I want to sleep properly?

 

I have no job, little money, nowhere to go.

Only the man I love.

 

I just want to be happy again.

 

🧩 What’s the matter with me? (December 2006)

 

I feel ashamed for feeling sad.

I have a boyfriend, family, friends, and education.

 

But I still feel low.

Manners in society are gone.

 

The only issue is disability and wanting a job.

 

🌫️ I wish there was a way to disappear (December 2006)

 

I wish I could vanish into heaven.

I wish I could fly away and escape.

 

I want to hide from the world.

I want to say goodbye to earth.

 

Everything feels depressing.

 

🌆 It drives me mad (December 2006)

 

High flats look like falling danger.

The ground feels far away.

 

I feel scared of heights and movement.

I don’t understand why.

 

Everything feels uncertain and frightening.

 

🌧️ When I feel down (December 2006)

 

When I feel down, I can’t do anything.

I just want to escape the four walls.

 

Life feels very long.

I want to live to be old—but only if I feel happy.

 

❄️ Winter time (December 2006)

 

Cold grey skies feel depressing.

Night turns everything black.

 

Walking outside feels long and dark.

There are few street lights.

 

🧠 It feels as if it’s there for life (December 2006)

 

Everyone has good and bad days.

Depression comes and goes.

 

Some people say it’s “all in the head.”

But emotions are real and hard to control.

 

🌊 Where do I go next? (December 2006)

 

Blue sky, yellow sun.

Blue sea, yellow sand.

 

I imagine angels and flying.

I will keep earth safe.

 

🕯️ It won’t be: it will be (December 2006)

 

It won’t be fires.

It won’t be knives.

 

It will be tablets, pills, and water.

When I get up there, I will be a fairy.

 

🧍 I would love (December 2006)

 

You don’t show love anymore.

Maybe I will get a job next year.

Maybe I will have some money one day.

 

⚖️ If I end my time (December 2006)

 

I don’t like heights or knives.

I prefer water.

 

I want peace, not pain.

 

💔 It’s so easy to take it out on other people (December 2006)

 

You hurt someone without realising.

Then you feel guilt and want to cry.

 

You don’t want to live.

You feel out of control.

 

🌪️ It’s too much (December 2006)

 

Life feels overwhelming.

Sometimes I feel low for no reason.

 

I worry too much.

I feel like I can’t stop it.

 

⏳ I want to leave earth before I am 40 (December 2006)

 

I don’t want to grow old.

I don’t want walking sticks or homes.

 

I want to leave young.

 

❓ Why? (December 2006)

 

Why does life feel so bad sometimes?

Even without a reason?

 

Writing helps me cope.

I don’t always understand myself.

 

😢 Crying and tears (December 2006)

 

Why do we cry for no reason?

Why do feelings come suddenly?

 

Some people cope differently.

Some people struggle more.

 

🚶 I want to get out of here (December 2006)

 

I want to leave Wolverhampton.

I feel confused and depressed.

 

I don’t know how to feel better.

I want to escape everything.

 

🌅 One day everything will come to an end (December 2006)

 

Nothing lasts forever.

Life includes happiness and sadness.

 

We don’t know why we are here.

Everything eventually ends.

 

🍷 Drinking (December 2006)

 

Drink can break relationships and families.

It can lead to harm and death.

 

Alcohol can make pain worse.

It can destroy lives.

 

🌤️ What is life like now? (December 2006)

 

Life feels uncertain.

Jobs are hard to find.

 

People struggle with money and depression.

I just want a better life.

 

🧭 I can’t see (December 2006)

 

I can’t see far ahead.

The road feels long and scary.

 

I don’t know where I am going.

I feel afraid of what comes next.

 

✍️ A lot of people say (December 2006)

 

Some people find poetry boring.

But writing is expression.

 

Everyone has a story inside them.

Writing helps release it.

 

🌟 The great thing about poetry (December 2006)

 

Poetry lets you express feelings.

You can read between the lines.

 

We all have experiences to write about.

 

💔 I don’t want to leave you (December 2006)

 

You are not the problem—it is me.

The world feels too big.

 

I am scared of the future.

I still care about you.

 

🌤️ There are good times and bad (December 2006)

 

Some days are better than others.

Food, friends, and support help.

 

Life has ups and downs.

 

⚽ Mixed feelings, mixed thoughts, mixed life (09.09.2009)

 

I am in a pub in Wolverhampton watching England play.

I don’t like football, but I notice the cheering.

 

Life feels strange and mixed.

So many memories connect together.

 

🌊 Same time and same place (09.09.2009)

 

I think about New Brighton and family history.

So many places and memories connect.

 

Life feels full of stories and coincidences. 🤝 You are our loving friends (29 June 2009 / written 1998–1999)

 

You are our loving friends.

You are our loving friends.

 

We can’t borrow you.

We can’t buy or sell you.

We can’t fire you.

We can’t do much without you.

 

We can have fun with you.

We can fool around with you.

We can talk to you.

We can do a lot with you.

 

We will always be around you.

We hope you will be around us.

 

Whenever you want us, we will be there.

When you don’t want us, we won’t bother you anywhere.

 

You may think sometimes that you don’t have friends,

but we and other friends are around you somewhere.

 

💍 Every girl’s dream and nightmare (written 1997–2000)

 

It’s every girl’s dream and nightmare to become a bride.

Not every girl is lucky to meet a man of her kind.

 

Not every girl meets her prince charming, the love of her life.

Becoming a man’s wife can be the story of a woman’s life.

 

The amount of years good girls have to wait to be a gentleman’s wife.

Being a gentleman’s wife is not what we think it might be.

 

Some days can be an unhappy sight to be a man’s wife.

A wife might end up blowing into her kite.

 

Girls, would you agree that a lot of men can be mites?

 

💔 I love you Antonio my longest lasted laddie (written 1996–1997)

 

I love you Antonio, my longest lasted laddie.

Why did you go off with another lassie?

 

You know I love you so madly and sadly.

Now I will never ever have another laddie.

 

You broke my heart, you mean Romano.

I fell in love with you so madly, gladly and sadly, Antonio.

 

You are such a baddie, but I love you.

I must be blind not to know you’d treat me unkind.

 

Don’t you have any love, care, or understanding on your mind?

I so very much wanted to be your bride, so I must get that out of my mind.

 

💔 When you are frightened to love but frightened of being lonely (written 1997)

 

You are frightened of being alone, but frightened to love.

The days and nights seem dull.

 

The future never seems to come, because it is hard to believe things will get better.

 

You are worried about getting hurt again, which brings sadness and pain.

 

You can feel shame, anger, guilt—but happiness feels far away.

 

You know you are not getting any younger, and the future seems dull because the present is.

 

Trying to think about when you were happy is hard.

 

I can see myself being an old maid because I can’t seem to trust men.

 

Lynn, you have taken all my happiness away.

I hope you will be happier with Antonio than I was.

 

Antonio, you never told me why you went off with Lynn.

I guess I was never good enough for you.

 

I need to learn how to get you out of my head and get on with my life.

I should not have stayed where I was not wanted.

 

When a relationship ends after a long time, it becomes a big shock.

 

Finding happiness is hard. It may take a long time—or never come.

I wonder what will happen in the end.

 

💛 Thank you my loving caring friends

 

Thank you for having trust in me.

Thank you for being trusting friends to me.

 

Thank you for listening to what I have to say.

Thank you for advising me and talking to me.

 

Thank you for giving me the life that I really want.

I’d like to think I can do the same for you.

 

Without your advice, I would have cracked up.

I hope my dream will come true—to love again.

 

Thank you for cheering me up when I am feeling down.

Thank you for being there when I need you.

 

Thank you for being honest with me—I will try my best to be honest with you.

Thank you for helping me through disappointments in life.

 

I will be more than happy to help you in every way and all the way.

 

Most of all, thank you for being very good friends,

and thank you for being you.

 

✍️ I want to be a writer (1997–2000 / 29 June 2009)

 

I want to be a writer.

Can you please help me write my first book?

 

My first book is my life story.

Can you please help me set it out for the public?

 

I am special needs and I need extra help than a writer who is not disabled.

Can you please help me?

 

I am very interested in short stories, novels, plays, and poetry.

 

This poem was just about me wanting to be a writer.

 

🤝 Having friends

 

Everyone should have friends everywhere.

Everyone’s friend should be with them there.

 

Friends should be there to care and do things together for one another.

Keep hold of your friends, but love comes and goes.

 

🏫 School bullying and bad friendship

 

When I was a girl, my school days were the worst days of my life.

I don’t know why adults used to say school days are the best years of your life.

 

The day I left school, I felt peace.

School used to really get to me because there were bullies everywhere.

 

Bullies were my worst nightmare.

Bullies were the death of me.

 

I learned more out of school than in.

 

🌆 I was born in Wolverhampton

 

I was born in Wolverhampton, but sadly there is no sand and sea.

There is no summer all year round.

 

To me, Wolverhampton is just where I live.

Roads, traffic, paths, houses, shops, pubs, nightclubs, and hospitals.

 

The traffic is a danger to animals and people.

Wolverhampton is a dull and boring place to be.

 

🌤️ Peace and quiet for you and me

 

Peace and quiet is a lovely sound for me.

No noise to hear.

 

No war, no guns, no bombs outside our doors.

No fireworks in the midnight wind.

 

We used to know children were safe playing outside.

Now parents worry all the time.

 

Those days are gone.

 

👨‍👧 Father Ray

 

When I was a baby and small child, Father Ray used to carry me everywhere.

He held my hand with caring love.

 

He used to kiss and cuddle me with tenderness.

He made sure I ate my tea.

 

When I was fifteen, he drove around nightclubs in Margate looking for me.

He is more like a real father to me than my biological father.

 

He is always there in emergencies.

A loving dad as much as he can be.

 

On my birthday, he was still there with me.

When my mother told me he was not my real father, I was confused.

 

I felt angry, frightened, and upset.

I cried and could not sleep.

 

When I was ill, he took care of me.

 

Confused parents make confused children. It affects relationships too.

 

(In my case, I left a confused relationship after 15 years. I am not confused now—or at least I hope not.)

 

❤️ LOVE

 

One always wonders why we are ever born.

Our parents fall in love and bring us into the world.

 

Sometimes relationships break and cause anger, hurt, and pain.

We fall in love, and ending love hurts even more.

 

Love is like a story. Love is like a book.

Please turn the pages—you are welcome to look.

 

I have reached a stage of thinking: either forever love or no love at all.

The pain is too much to cope with.

 

I hope I am not weak. I hope I become strong.

 

Will I ever meet my forever love?

 

I have fallen in and out of love many times.

Every love I have had feels like a fairy tale dream and nightmare.

 

Our dreams may come true—but life itself is one big dream for you and me.

 

# Poetry Collection (1996–2009)

 

## Compiled Poems and Writings

 

---

 

## You Are Our Loving Friends (1998–1999)

 

You are our loving friends.

You are our loving friends.

We can't borrow you.

We can't buy or sell you.

We can't fire you.

We can't do much without you.

 

We can have fun with you.

We can fool around with you.

We can talk to you.

We can do a lot with you.

 

We will always be around you.

We hope you will be around us.

Whenever you want us we will be there.

When you don't want us, we won't bother you anywhere.

You may think sometimes that you don't have friends but we and other friends are around you are place some where.

 

---

 

## Every Girl's Dream and Nightmare (1997–2000)

 

It's every girl's dream and nightmare to become a bride.

Not every girl is lucky to met a man of her kind.

Not every girl meets her prince charming the love of her life.

When becoming a man's wife it can be a story of a woman's life.

The amount of years good girls have to wait to be a gentleman's wife.

Having been a gentleman's wife it is not what we think might.

Some days can be a rather unhappy site to be a man's wife.

A wife might end up blowing into her kite.

Girls would you agree that a lot of men can be mites.

 

---

 

## I Love You Antonio (1996–1997)

 

I love you Antonio my longest lasted laddie.

Why did you go off with another lassie?

You know I love you so madly and sadly.

Now I will never ever have another laddie.

You broken my heart you mean Romano.

I fell in love with you so madly, gladly and sadly Antonio.

You are such a baddie but I love you.

I must be blind not to know that you'd treat me unkind.

Don't you have any love, care understanding on your mind?

I so very much wanted to be your bride so I must get that out of my mind.

 

---

 

## When You Are Frightened to Love but Frightened of Being Lonely (1997)

 

You are frightened of being alone but frightened to love the days and nights seem dull.

The future never seems to come because it's hard to believe that things will get better.

You are worried about getting hurt all over again which brings sadness and pain more and more.

You can feel shame, anger, guilt and happiness can be the only word that you aren't feeling at that moment.

You know that your not getting any younger and the future seems dull because the present is.

Trying to think about when you were happy is hard.

I can see myself just being an old maid because I can't seem to have trust in men.

Lynn you have taken all my happiness away I hope you will be more happy with Antonio than I was.

Antonio you never told me your reason for going off with Lynn, I guess I was never good enough for you.

I just need to learn how to get you out of my head and get on with my life.

When a relationship has ended after such a long time it becomes a big shock.

 

---

 

## Thank You My Loving Caring Friends

 

Thank you for having trust in me.

Thank you for been trusting friends to me.

Thank you for listening to me.

Thank you for advising me and talking to me.

Thank you for giving me the life that I really want.

I'd like to think I can do the same for you.

Without you I would have cracked up.

Thank you for cheering me up when I am feeling down.

Thank you for been there when I need you.

Thank you for been honest with me.

Thank you for helping me through disappointments in life.

Most of all thank you all for been very good friends and thank you for been you.

 

---

 

## I Want to Be a Writer (1997–2000)

 

I want to be a writer, can you please help me write my first book?

My first book is my life story, can you please help me to set out to the public?

I am special needs and I need extra help than a writer who is not disabled.

Can you please help me?

I am very interested in short stories, novels, plays and poetry.

 

---

 

## Having Friends

 

Everyone should have friends everywhere.

Friends should be there to care and do things together for one another.

Keep hold of your friends but love comes and goes.

 

---

 

## School Bullying and Bad Friendship

 

When I was a girl my school days were the worst days of my life.

Bullies were my worst nightmare.

Bullies were the death of me.

I learned more out of school than in.

 

---

 

## I Was Born in Wolverhampton

 

I was born in Wolverhampton.

Roads, traffic, paths, houses, shops, pubs, night clubs and hospitals.

Wolverhampton is a dull and boring place to be.

 

---

 

## Peace and Quiet for You and Me

 

Peace and quiet is a lovely sound.

No war of guns and bombs outside our doors.

Children should be safe and adults should know their children are safe.

 

---

 

## Father Ray

 

Father Ray used to care for me, hold my hand and take me places.

He was always there when I was ill.

He is a loving dad to me.

 

---

 

## Love

 

Love is like a story, love is like a book.

Love can go wrong and end in tears.

We all go through happiness and sadness.

We fall in love and out of love.

 

---

 

## The Character (2009)

 

What do you see God when you look at me?

Why did you make me?

Would you agree there's a character in me?

 

I am a disabled human being but still a real character.

I want equal rights like everyone else.

 

Now I am nearly forty years and are rolling fast.

I have learned to move on and try to live without regret.

I will still write short stories, novels, plays and poetry.

 

---

 

## Final Note

 

These writings reflect personal thoughts, experiences, emotions, and reflections across different years of life.

 

Additional Poems (1996–2009)

TO FANNY BRAWNE – LOVE FROM JOHN KEATS (Inspired Piece)

 

My future is very dark without you, I can't see the light of life at all.

I don't have any happiness to look forward to without you at all.

I don't have love inside me for anyone but you.

Fanny you are the sweetest girl of all.

I want to hide away from life, I can't live any longer without you.

Without you my dear I can't think very clear.

People don't like the fact that my feelings are so strong towards you.

They told me that you'll hurt me, yes you did when I caught you making eyes at another man yet I still foolishly love you all the same.

People think I should get on with my life may be they are right.

My feelings are here for you that I can't help.

Can I face tomorrow without tears?

Fanny if you want me to stay alive please give me your love.

 

John Keats was the first poet I could relate to because he experienced in his time nearly the same as what I experienced in my time. All the love letters he wrote to Fanny Brawne and I think what she wrote to him were in his coffin with him.

 

Why Do I Like Poetry?

 

I like poems because I can write about how I feel about life.

Mostly I write about love and romantic.

I try to be a romantic person but then I get hurt.

Romantic poets are loving people but the people they love can easily hurt them.

Poetry gets us through life.

A lot of young poets have died young through not being able to cope with relationship break ups for example John Keats.

Through childhood I dreamt of my fairy tale love.

I always dream of true love but I keep on learning by mistakes.

I now do my best to protect myself from getting hurt again but I feel bad if I upset my partner and it never stops me from loving someone who loves me for me.

There's very few of us in this world who are lucky enough to meet the right person.

Even true love has its ups and downs.

I hope we will do it right this time.

 

If Getting Over the One I Love Is To Be

 

If getting over the one I love is to be, I must get over the pain I am in.

It's very hard to get love when feeling is not something one can control.

No matter what they put you through your feelings do control.

It's hard to get over love that means such a lot to you.

He still means a lot to me.

New heart please come to me under the sea.

I must put the past behind, there must be someone out there who loves me better than he did.

I used to think I had trust in love but I am not sure I believe in true love anymore.

The love I lost now feels like death.

My happiness has passed away.

I am so frightened to fall deeply in love again, I do not think I can bear the deep pain.

I do not think I want the chance of a high romance.

 

Moving On and Trying Again

 

This new lover of mine is very kind.

Now I have a new heart that belongs to mine.

Once upon a time Antonio was mine.

Lynn took Antonio's heart away from mine.

I did not think she was very kind at the time.

Looking back now she was very kind, I can get on with this lovely new life of mine.

My longest relationship has gone may be this relationship may be even longer.

I don't want him back anymore, a new love has come to my door.

I live my life everyday hoping that my new will come my way.

 

He No More Any Love of Mine

 

He walked out my life after two and a half years, with another lover on his mind.

He will never find another love like mine, he was warned that he was making a big mistake.

It serves him right, now it's too late for him to love me again.

Now I have a new lover he's very kind I hope he knows his own mind.

 

Oh Please Stay With Me

 

Oh please stay in love with me until the end of our time.

Other men have given me such a hard time, it's messed up my mind.

Please promise me not to leave me alone otherwise I will cry, I will take my own life.

You're always on my mind, I love you and miss you all the time.

After having goodness knows how many boyfriends leaving me so sad and blue, I don't think I can get through.

I love you more than just a true friend.

Please can I trust you as my true boyfriend?

I really want a love who will want me forever.

I only hope that you are the gentleman for me.

Please do not rush into our love, I'd hate to lose you so much.

Please give me plenty of time.

Please don't worry darling, I never dream of ending it with you. 📅 Monday, 29 June 2009

💛 You Are Our Loving Friends (written 1998–1999)

 

You are our loving friends.

You are our loving friends.

We can't borrow you.

We can't buy or sell you.

We can't fire you.

We can't do much without you.

 

We can have fun with you.

We can fool around with you.

We can talk to you.

We can do a lot with you.

 

We will always be around you.

We hope you will be around us.

Whenever you want us we will be there.

When you don't want us, we won't bother you anywhere.

 

You may think sometimes that you don't have friends but we and other friends are around you are place some where.

 

💔 Every Girl’s Dream and Nightmare (1997–2000)

 

It’s every girl’s dream and nightmare to become a bride.

Not every girl is lucky to meet a man of her kind.

Not every girl meets her prince charming, the love of her life.

 

When becoming a man's wife it can be a story of a woman's life.

The amount of years good girls have to wait to be a gentleman's wife.

 

Having been a gentleman's wife, it is not what we think might.

Some days can be a rather unhappy sight to be a man's wife.

 

A wife might end up blowing into her kite.

Girls, would you agree that a lot of men can be mites.

 

💔 I Love You Antonio (1996–1997)

 

I love you Antonio my longest lasted laddie.

Why did you go off with another lassie?

 

You know I love you so madly and sadly.

Now I will never ever have another laddie.

 

You broke my heart you mean Romano.

I fell in love with you so madly, gladly and sadly Antonio.

 

You are such a baddie but I love you.

I must be blind not to know that you'd treat me unkind.

 

Don’t you have any love, care, understanding on your mind?

I wanted to be your bride but I must get that out of my mind.

 

💭 When You Are Frightened to Love but Frightened of Being Lonely (1997)

 

You are frightened of being alone but frightened to love.

The days and nights seem dull.

 

The future never seems to come because it’s hard to believe things will get better.

You are worried about getting hurt again.

 

You feel shame, anger, guilt.

Happiness feels far away.

 

I feel I may become an old maid because I can’t trust men.

I must learn to get on with my life.

 

When a relationship ends after a long time it is a big shock.

There must be light at the end of the tunnel somewhere.

 

🌈 Thank You My Loving Caring Friends

 

Thank you for having trust in me.

Thank you for being trusting friends to me.

Thank you for listening to me.

Thank you for advising me and talking to me.

 

Without you I would have cracked up.

I hope I can help you too.

 

Thank you for cheering me up.

Thank you for being there when I need you.

Thank you for your honesty.

 

Most of all thank you for being very good friends.

 

✍️ I Want to Be a Writer (1997–2000)

 

I want to be a writer, can you please help me write my first book?

My first book is my life story.

 

I am special needs and I need extra help than a writer who is not disabled.

Can you please help me?

 

I am interested in short stories, novels, plays and poetry.

 

👥 Having Friends

 

Everyone should have friends everywhere.

Friends should care and do things together.

 

Keep hold of your friends but love comes and goes.

 

🏫 School Bullying and Bad Friendship

 

School days were the worst days of my life.

Bullies were my worst nightmare.

Bullies were the death of me.

 

I learned more out of school than in.

 

🏙️ Born in Wolverhampton

 

I was born in Wolverhampton.

It is roads, traffic, houses, shops, pubs, hospitals.

 

It feels dull and boring to me.

Traffic is dangerous for people and animals.

 

☮️ Peace and Quiet for You and Me

 

Peace and quiet is lovely.

No war, no bombs, no fear.

 

Children should be safe.

Adults should know their children are safe.

 

👨 Father Ray

 

Father Ray cared for me when I was small.

He held my hand and looked after me.

 

He was like a father to me.

When I was ill he took care of me.

 

When I was told he was not my real father I was confused and upset.

 

💗 Love Reflection

 

Love brings happiness and pain.

Love is like a book with many pages.

 

I used to dream of fairy tale love.

Now I try to understand real life love.

 

📅 Sunday, 28 June 2009

🙏 The Character (God & Identity)

 

What do you see God when you look at me?

Why did you make me?

 

I am a disabled person but still a human being.

I have rights like everyone else.

 

You see a human being who is not very wise.

But I am still a character in life.

 

I used to dream of love and marriage.

Now I must live in reality.

 

I still write poetry and stories.

 

💔 TO FANNY BRAWNE (from John Keats)

 

My future is dark without you.

I cannot see the light of life.

 

I have no happiness without you.

I love you only.

 

Please give me your love if you want me to stay alive.

 

✍️ Why I Like Poetry

 

Poetry helps me express feelings.

Romantic poets are loving people but get hurt easily.

 

Poetry helps people survive life experiences.

Love is often both dream and nightmare.

 

💔 If Getting Over the One I Love Is to Be

 

It is hard to stop loving someone.

Feelings cannot be controlled.

 

Love feels like death when it ends.

I am afraid to fall in love again.

 

🌱 Moving On and Trying Again

 

A new lover is kind.

Old love is gone.

 

Now I try to live a new life.

I hope for happiness again.

 

💔 Oh Please Stay With Me

 

Please stay with me forever.

I am afraid of being alone.

 

Please do not hurt me again.

I need time and trust.

 

💭 When We Were Lovers

 

Where has he gone?

Where is his smile, his touch, his love?

 

I miss everything about him.

 

🌊 I Love the Sea

 

I love the beach and sea.

It is peaceful and romantic.

 

I love sand, sunshine, and waves.

 

💔 I Try to Be Romantic

 

I am a romantic person.

But romance often brings hurt.

 

I cannot change how I feel.

 

💔 If Only I Knew

 

I still love you even though you don’t love me anymore.

It is hard to understand love.

 

I feel lonely and confused.

 

💔 I Wrote This Poem to Say I Love You

 

I still love you.

But I fear being hurt again.

 

I want honesty and trust.

 

💔 Tell Me Why You Left Me

 

Why did you leave me?

Did you make a mistake?

 

I still love you but I am hurt.

 

💔 I Lost You Once

 

I think about you all the time.

Days without you feel slow.

 

I still miss you.

 

💭 My Thoughts

 

My thoughts are quiet but my poems are not.

I express myself through writing.

 

I miss love and connection.

 

🆘 I Need Help

 

I need help to rebuild my happiness.

I need joy again in my life.

 

Writing helps me cope.

 

💔 I Miss My High Romance

 

I miss my past love.

I cry and cannot sleep.

 

Love feels confusing and painful.

 

🌅 Lying in Bed

 

I lie in bed thinking about the future.

I cannot rest properly.

 

I remember when we first met.

 

💔 A Man I Thought I Loved

 

I was hurt in the past.

It affected my trust.

 

I slowly learned to heal.

 

💔 Love, Marriage, and Life

 

Marriage is not always perfect.

Love brings happiness and pain.

 

Life must be understood as it is.

 

🌸 Final Reflection on Love

 

Love can be beautiful or painful.

People fall in and out of love.

 

I still hope for true love one day.

 

 

📖 Sara’s Poetry & Life Writing Collection (1996–2009)

Love, Loss, Friendship, and Life Reflections

🌸 FRIENDSHIP & CONNECTION

You Are Our Loving Friends (1998–1999)

 

You are our loving friends.

You are our loving friends.

 

We can't borrow you.

We can't buy or sell you.

We can't fire you.

We can't do much without you.

 

We can have fun with you.

We can fool around with you.

We can talk to you.

We can do a lot with you.

 

We will always be around you.

We hope you will be around us.

Whenever you want us we will be there.

When you don't want us, we won't bother you anywhere.

 

You may think sometimes that you don't have friends but we and other friends are around you are place some where.

written 1998 - 1999

 

Thank You My Loving Caring Friends

 

Thank you for having trust in me.

Thank you for been trusting friends to me.

Thank you for listening to me what I have to say to you all.

Thank you for advising me and talking to me.

Thank you for giving the life that I really want.

 

I'd like to think I can do the same for you.

Without you all giving me advice I would have cracked up.

I hope my dream will come true to love again.

 

Thank you for cheering me up when I am feeling down.

Thank you been there when I need you.

Thank you for been honest with me, I will try my best to be honest with you.

Thank you for helping me through disappointments in life.

 

I will be more than happy to help you in every way and all the way.

Most of all thank you all for been very good friends and thank you for been you.

 

Having Friends

 

Everyone should have friends everywhere.

Everyone's friend should be with them there.

Friends should be there to care and do things together for one another.

 

Keep hold of your friends but love comes and goes.

 

💔 LOVE, HEARTBREAK & RELATIONSHIPS

Every Girl’s Dream and Nightmare (1997–2000)

 

It's every girl's dream and nightmare to become a bride.

Not every girl is lucky to meet a man of her kind.

Not every girl meets her prince charming the love of her life.

 

When becoming a man's wife it can be a story of a woman's life.

The amount of years good girls have to wait to be a gentleman's wife.

 

Having been a gentleman's wife it is not what we think might.

Some days can be a rather unhappy sight to be a man's wife.

 

A wife might end up blowing into her kite.

Girls would you agree that a lot of men can be mites.

 

I Love You Antonio (1996–1997)

 

I love you Antonio my longest lasted laddie.

Why did you go off with another lassie?

 

You know I love you so madly and sadly.

Now I will never ever have another laddie.

 

You broken my heart you mean Romano.

I fell in love with you so madly, gladly and sadly Antonio.

 

You are such a baddie but I love you.

I must be blind not to know that you'd treat me unkind.

 

Don't you have any love, care understanding on your mind?

I so very much wanted to be your bride so I must get that out of my mind.

 

When You Are Frightened to Love but Frightened of Being Lonely

 

You are frightened of being alone but frightened to love.

The days and nights seem dull.

 

The future never seems to come because it's hard to believe things will get better.

You are worried about getting hurt all over again.

 

You feel shame, anger, guilt and sadness.

Happiness feels far away.

 

I can see myself just being an old maid because I can't seem to have trust in men.

I should not have hung around where I was not wanted.

 

When a relationship ends it becomes a big shock.

Finding happiness is hard but not impossible.

 

Moving On and Trying Again (1997)

 

This new lover of mine is very kind.

Now I have a new heart that belongs to mine.

 

Once upon a time Antonio was mine.

Lynn took Antonio's heart away from mine.

 

Looking back now she was very kind, I can get on with this lovely new life of mine.

 

He Has Gone

 

He has gone out of my life.

I am very sad and very lonely without him.

 

He left me for another lassie.

I wonder if he still thinks about me?

 

I lie on my pillow wondering about the future.

My heart wonders and breaks.

 

What Happened to Us? (1999)

 

I loved you, did you love me?

 

We loved one another as much as we could.

But I don't think you believed how much I really loved you.

 

What happened to us?

You were my longest true love, that's why I can't forget you.

 

Now I don't mind what you want to do, as long as you are happy.

I still love and care about you.

 

I Miss You So Much (1997–2000)

 

I miss you so much, I dream about you such a lot.

When I sleep, I sleep deep like a log.

 

I think I might have found the love.

 

True Love

 

My true love has got a heart.

My true love has my heart.

 

I hope we will never ever part.

 

What Is Love?

 

Love can be romantic and wonderful.

Love can be painful and hard.

 

Love can be anywhere, even under the sea.

 

Marriage

 

Marriage should be full of love and support.

Marriage is not a bed of roses.

It is either a success or it is not.

 

If Getting Over You Is To Be

 

If getting over the one I love is to be, I must get over the pain.

The love I lost feels like death.

 

I am frightened to fall in love again.

 

Oh Please Stay With Me

 

Oh please stay in love with me.

Please never leave me.

 

I love you and miss you all the time.

Please give me time.

 

🌊 LIFE, REFLECTIONS & THOUGHTS

I Want to Be a Writer (1997–2000)

 

I want to be a writer, can you please help me write my first book?

My first book is my life story.

 

I am special needs and I need extra help than a writer who is not disabled.

I am interested in short stories, novels, plays and poetry.

 

School Bullying and Bad Friendship

 

When I was a girl my school days were the worst days of my life.

Bullies were my worst nightmare.

Bullies were the death of me.

 

I learned more out of school than in.

 

Wolverhampton

 

I was born in Wolverhampton.

To me it is dull and boring.

 

Roads, traffic, shops, pubs, night clubs and hospitals.

 

Peace and Quiet

 

Peace and quiet is a lovely sound for me.

No war, no bombs, no fear.

 

Children should be safe.

 

The Character (Faith Reflection)

 

Why did you make me?

Am I the human being you wanted me to be?

 

I am a disabled person but also a human being.

I deserve the same rights as everyone else.

 

Happiness

 

Happiness comes along to those who wait.

Yesterday is gone. Tomorrow will come.

Today is still here.

 

The Past

 

The past was a nightmare.

We must think of good things not bad.

We only live once.

 

🌅 FINAL REFLECTION

Love Verse & Closing Thoughts

 

Love is bitter and sweet.

Love can heal and hurt.

 

But I still believe in love.

Even after everything.

 

Sara’s Poetry & Life Writing Collection (Part: 1993–2009)

Feelings, Relationships, Growth, and Reflection

💭 THE WRITER’S FEELINGS

The Writer’s Feelings (1997)

 

Please listen to what I have to say.

I think about you every single day.

 

I thought you were the boy who loved me for me.

How wrong could I be?

 

Now I know you were my dream and nightmare.

How mad am I, you’re still the love of my life?

 

I thought I was going to become your future wife.

 

Sorry I regret hurting you this way but I don't regret every single day I was with you.

 

If there’s anything I have learned in this life very little love lasts for life.

I must have lived in such dream land 12 years ago.

Still at least I hope I understand now.

 

✍️ EARLY WRITING & DEVELOPMENT (1993)

A Rhyming Especially for You (1993)

 

The first night I saw you my mind was thinking I like you before I even spoken to you.

I am a girl that likes you for you.

 

I knew like me, you had been through some old moo.

How I knew I just knew.

 

There’s only me for you, I mean it too true.

 

Without your advice on the things I have been through I would have put myself through even more moo boo boo.

 

So I hope these silly words that make no sense at all will at least rhyme on paper as well as inside my mind.

 

Thank you for helping me with my old moo, I will do the same for you if you want me too.

 

As your name is Andy Pandy I can be your Loopy Loo.

With the state of my mind I am loopy.

 

I would not dream of hurting you.

I will write a ton of pages to get what I am saying down on paper right for you.

 

(Reflection note – written by you)

I know I said I started writing poetry in 1997 but in 1993 I wrote a load of silly words that were going through my silly head. I wrote this about a guy I liked but he did not like me the way I liked him. I got over it. Early stage of poetry.

 

💔 RELATIONSHIPS & LOSS

We Were Two Lovers Together (1996–1997)

 

We were two lovers together who went everywhere together.

We were together so long on and off.

 

Our love for one another was so strong.

Our love failed yet very little went wrong.

 

We may not forgive one another as lovers but we may as friends.

 

We hurt one another bad.

 

Memory of my young love in my head the happiness, sadness and sorrow.

 

How on earth will I face tomorrow because the pain will still be there?

 

I never want to hurt a man again.

I must have driven him away to love another woman.

 

It takes a lot of bottle for me to carry on living on this earth.

I can’t love again, there’s no way forward.

 

The future scares me.

There will never be another man for me.

 

Maybe I am better off not loving again in case I drive them away too.

 

The Writer’s Reflection (2009)

 

If there’s anything I have learned in this life, very little love lasts for life.

I must have lived in such dream land years ago.

 

Still at least I hope I understand now.

 

🌱 MOVING ON & GROWTH

I Will Find a Way to Move On (2009)

 

I will never move on as long as I stay with you.

 

Even though our relationship may have ended in friendship not hate, carrying on seeing one another like we have been is getting us nowhere.

 

I know you have nowhere to move on to but that’s just your own fault.

 

I have been there every step of the way for you for 15 years now. How mad am I?

 

You have never seemed to know what you wanted. How mad have I been wasting my time on you?

 

Now I don’t have any more time to waste on a man who does not love me anymore, perhaps you never did.

 

Nothing seems to be changing between us but I’m changing. I’m moving on to another life but I don’t know where yet.

 

I hope the next man in my life will know what he wants and love me for me.

 

After 15 years it will be strange being without you, but I will get through.

 

What’s the point staying with you if nothing is moving forward?

 

You never believed in yourself. You always said you fail in relationships. Why have I stayed so long?

 

If you keep thinking negatively, you will go down with it.

 

You thought I would go down with you — how wrong you are.

 

# Collected Poems and Writing (1993–2014)

 

---

 

## The Writer’s Feelings (1997 / written reference 2009)

 

Please listen to what I have to say.

I think about you every single day.

I thought you were the boy who love me for me.

How wrong could I be?

Now I know you were my dream and nightmare.

How mad am I, your still the love of my life?

I thought I was going to become your future wife.

Sorry I regret hurting you this way, but I don't regret every single day I was with you.

 

If there's anything I have learned in this life very little love lasts for life. I must have lived in such dream land 12 yrs ago. Still at least I hope I understand now.

 

---

 

## A Rhyme Especially For You (1993)

 

The first night I saw you my mind was thinking I like you before I even spoke to you.

I am a girl that likes you for you.

I knew like me, you had been through some old moo.

How I knew I just knew.

There's only me for you; I mean it too true.

Without your advice on the things I have been through I would have put myself through even more moo boo boo.

I know these silly words that make no sense at all.

They just rhyme on paper as well as inside my mind.

Thank you for helping me with my old moo, I will do the same if you want me too.

As your name is Andy pandy I can be your Loopy Loo.

With the state of mind, I am loopy.

If you have another Loopy Loo, sorry to bother you boo boo boo to me too.

I would not dream of hurting you.

I will write a ton of pages to get what I am saying down on paper right for you.

I know I have a disability I am just be slow which does seem to be good to a lot of people.

 

---

 

## We Were Two Lovers Together (1996–1997)

 

We were two lovers together who went everywhere together.

We were together so long on and off.

Our love for one another was so strong.

Our love failed yet very little went wrong.

We may not forgive one another as lovers but we may as friends.

We hurt one another bad.

Memory of my young love in my head the happiness, sadness and sorrow.

How on earth will I face tomorrow because the pain will still be there?

I never want hurt a man again.

I can't love again, there's no way forward.

The future scares me.

There will never be another man for me.

 

---

 

## What Do You Want From Me? (27 April 2009)

 

What do you want from me?

One minute you want me and the next minute you don't.

Make up your mind, love is not a mind game!

You will go ages without touching me then you suddenly do.

I know who I want but if you don't want me, I'd be a fool to wait forever.

Think about it, there's no going back once it's too late.

 

---

 

## Trying to Control Feelings (27 April 2009)

 

It's so hard to close door once you have loved someone for so long.

Why did I let it go too far?

Why did I hold onto you so tight, now I find it so hard to let go?

Why do I still love you after what you put me through?

Love can be a habit and a drug.

Never let love take over your life.

 

---

 

## The Past (21 August 1999)

 

The past was yesterday.

It was a nightmare that did not happen.

We must learn to think of good things not bad.

Think of the bad things as nightmares.

Accept the bad but bring in the good.

You only live once.

 

---

 

## Happiness (1999–2000)

 

Happiness comes along to those who wait.

If you are not happy now one day you will be happy.

Yesterday has gone and tomorrow is to come.

Today is still here but soon be gone.

Make the most of what you have got.

 

---

 

## Love Verse Three (21 February 2000)

 

In my dreams you have held me just like you used to do.

I think about you every day in every way.

When I wake up you are not by my side.

I love you with all my heart even if you will never love me again.

 

---

 

## I Am So Deeply In Love With You (1997–1998)

 

I am a lassie who loves her dear laddie.

I hope that you will always be faithful to me.

I am so deeply in love with you.

I can not believe I have had so many loves untrue.

I will love you forever until the day I die.

 

---

 

## Depression (25 February 2014)

 

A sadness is a feeling with or without a reason.

We all suffer from depression in our own way.

Good and bad days come to all of us.

Life is not easy to understand.

We make life hard for ourselves without meaning to.

 

---

 

## Society is Blind (27 April 2014)

 

Society is blind not disabled people.

They only see what we can't do.

They do not see our talent.

Life should not be all about money.

Disabled people deserve respect and opportunity.

 

---

 

## I Thought I Had Nothing and Everything (22 February 2014)

 

Before I met you I thought I had nothing.

Now my life has changed for the better.

Our feelings got stronger and stronger.

Happiness of love helps sadness of life.

 

---

 

## I Thought I Knew Him (30 June 2014)

 

There was nothing good about him when I think about it now.

I thought he was wonderful but I was wrong.

My feelings were far too strong to walk away.

Now I feel nothing for him at all.

 

---

 

## I Never Wanted Things to End How They Did (2–3 August 2014)

 

I never wanted it to end this way.

I only wish we could work things out.

I am so sorry for misunderstanding.

I still care about you deeply.

Maybe we can start slowly again.

 

---

 

## Time to Move On (5 August 2014)

 

Let’s not look at this as a break up.

Let’s see it as a misunderstanding.

Let’s see what happens naturally in the future.

Time to move on and learn from the past.

 

---

 

## Memory for You (1 June 2014)

 

Think of me as the wind or a bird.

I may not be gone.

I will always be in memory.

Love never fully disappears.

 

---

 

## The Writer (25 February 2014)

 

Writing is my way of communicating.

My pen writes what my mind feels.

I find it easier to write than speak.

Everyone has words inside them.

 

---

 

## John Keats Reflection (25 February 2014)

 

John Keats inspired me to write.

His poetry helped me understand my own thoughts.

Writing became my way of coping.

 

---

 

## I Have Overcome You (27 April 2014)

 

You hurt me and left me.

You played games with my mind.

Now I have overcome you.

I am stronger now.

 

---

 

## Can't Believe You're Gone (30 June 2014)

 

I can't believe you're gone.

We were friends since childhood.

Life is far too short.

You will always be remembered.

 

---

 

## Final Note

 

These writings reflect different stages of emotion, growth, relationships, struggle, and healing across many years.

They show change over time—from pain to understanding, from confusion to reflection.

 

 

 

 

📖 Poetry Collection (2012–2014)

I should have known from the start

 

Your reasons for our break up me know and understand now.

We don’t need to go over those reasons now I know and understand.

It’s great to know we may have parted but we are still great friends all the same.

Life is too short to end our friendship when we have no reason to fall out altogether not that we ever did.

I went online to try to make new friends, little did I know I was going fall in love yet again.

That doesn't mean I’m going to shut you out of my life.

That doesn't mean I don’t love and care about you anymore.

I’m moving on from the life I can’t have.

16.10.2012 – 8.8.2014

 

I am what I am and who I am

 

I am what I am and who I am.

What I am and I am who I am.

If you don't like who and of what you see of me then leave me be.

May be able I change some of the person I am in me.

One thing I can’t change is my disability and health problems.

Not that all the person what and who I am is all because of my disabilities and health problems.

I have to learn to not to care what people think and say, which isn't always easy.

I even get things wrong too; I may misunderstand what you think about me.

I may not speak because I'm scared of saying and doing the wrong things to your mind, it won't mean what it seems.

Sorry if I seem rude to you this is what I don’t mean to be.

The world is too big for me and too many people; this is where I find it hard to communicate towards this big world of people.

My problem is finding it hard cope with too many things at once.

3. 1. 2012 – 20.8.2014

 

Love can be dangerous

 

Love can be dangerous.

 

What kind of person am I?

Do you like the person I?

Is it fair to say I love the two of you?

Yet I know it’s only fair I have one of you.

Oh love can be so dangerous I don't know what to do.

I don't want to be dangerous I just want to love one of you not two of you.

I don’t want to hurt either one of you but I need to make up my mind.

I need to let one of you go which can be hurtful and dangerous too.

I hate it when feelings get your way, put you at dangerous risk.

I’m not the person to want to hurt anyone I want be faithful and true to the one I love not hurt him.

 

I find it hard to win because I don't want to hurt any of you.

Whatever I do I feel as if I am hurting someone.

What does it matter chose one or no one at all.

Be friends with the other.

My feelings are hard to control and I am knocking my head on brick walls.

Oh love can be dangerous games to play.

1.6.2004 - 21.8.2014

 

No matter how hard I try

 

No matter how hard I try nothing seems to be right.

If only I could fall in love with a person who right for me.

I have fallen in love too many wrong men.

People say the one I’m with now isn't right for me but they may be right but I can’t help the way I feel about him and another ex of mine.

I will make up my mind even if it kills me, no way am I cheating and lying to anyone, even if either one or both have done the dirty on me.

Somehow my break ups of relationships tend to turn out to be dangerous in the end.

For a lot of years I have been in love with a man who plays mind games which does my head in.

One minute he loves me and the next minute he does not.

 

If only I didn't love him so much.

 

I am not the woman I used to be or the woman I would like to be.

I intend to be faithful that's why I can't cope when I have strong feelings for two people.

I never thought my feelings would make life so hard.

I hate putting myself in the wrong, when life puts on the hard spot.

Love can be a dangerous game to play.

 

I either have too much choice or no choice at all.

It's a good job I only have the choice of two of you but that's hard enough to make to choose.

 

The hardest thing is that I going to have hurt one them because they both in love with me too.

The trouble is I don’t want to hurt either of them.

1.6.2004 – 21.8 2014

 

I never thought I'd feel for you like I do now

 

I loved you so much for so many years that in end hurt so much.

Isn't strange that years later I learned not to love you at all?

Isn't strange you had you made out loved me then you didn't but then I don't think you loved me at all?

Years down the line I force myself to walk away without realizing one day would stop loving you but then you wanted me back again.

For quite years now I feel nothing for you but anger.

I feel so much anger for you inside from someone who loved you so much.

What you put I though cut me up so much inside.

To think I put up with all your promises, cheating and lies, how I was so blind.

My big problem was I loved and forgave you so much until I had such enough.

For quite a few years now enough is enough until now I can this is the complete end for us but only my anger for cuts me up like a knife.

7.10.2014

 

You are no money man

 

Who’s that guy walking down the street?

This guy is you...

You are no money man meaning you don't need money to keep me happy.

I don't want your money I want your love.

...

Now my love for you is getting stronger by the time.

14.10.2014

 

Learning to believe in you

 

Take me as I am or don't take me at all!

Love me as a person or don't love me at all!

...

Don’t take out on others what you have been through but then time to take care of yourself now then once you have faith, love and trust in yourself then move on!

30.10.2014 - 8.11.2014

 

Whatever the choice

 

There's no way of getting it right first time.

Even if feels right it not always is yet if it feels wrong it could be right.

...

Life is known to try us to see what happens.

30.10.2014 - 8.11.2014

 

Changes in school

 

In my day kids were scared of the teachers now the teachers are scared of the kids.

...

Stop the bullying and stop the abuse, just keep away from another if you can't get on!

30.10.2014 - 8.11.2014

 

Nothing and no one is stopping me

 

I will do everything I can to be with you.

Nothing and no one will come between us.

...

I want us to dance and have a romance.

12.11.2014

 

Leave my mind alone

 

Leave my mind alone, I don't love you anymore.

Now I love someone else so much better...

11.11.14

 

Miss you every day

 

Miss you each and every day in each and every way...

12.11.14

 

If only I didn't see you

 

If only I didn't see you...

Why do you talk to me at all as if nothing happened at all?

12.11.14

 

Never think

 

Never think that I don't think about you because I do...

12.11.2014

 

I'm no more your lover or victim

 

I'm no more your lover.

I've no more your victim.

19.11.2014

 

What have you done for me?

 

What have you done for me?

Nothing at all...

25.11.2014

 

I'm no poet, I just have a way with words

 

I left school having learned nothing at all...

30.11.2014

 

All Dyslexia

 

All Dyslexia.

 

May be it's all our minds I admit to write and say but it's also all truth that has to be told...

27.12.2014

 

Dyslexic poet

 

I'm a Dyslexic poet with a Dyslexic mind...

27.12.2014

 

I want to be with you

 

Your on my mind when I awake every single morning...

28.12.2014

 

I never knew you

 

It's like writing lines in school when you have been naughty...

28.12.2014

 

Time to let go

 

I never knew you.

You are never real...

28.12.2014

 

Goodbye 2014

 

There's good and bad in every year like there's good and bad in everybody...

28.12.2014

 

Turn back the clock

 

There's no going back all we can do is go forward...

28.12.2014

 

When every year closes

 

When every year closes I never know what poems to write...

28.12.2014

 

Looking around

 

I see different faces in different places with different races...

28.12.2014

 

Winter isn't winter now

 

Season are so mixed up these days...

28–29.12.2014

 

To enjoy yourself too much

 

A normal night is enough to have a couple beers then to sleep...

28–29.12.2014

 

Positive future

 

To be loved is to be popular...

28–29.12.2014

 

Introducing poetry

 

I'm not introducing poetry I'm introducing poetry...

29–30.12.2014

 

When you're a poet

 

To me one can become a thousand words...

29–30.12.2014

 

I used to love losers

 

I used to love losers but didn't a lot of us...

29–30.12.2014

 

I pulled through

 

I'm away from your lying and cheating...

29–30.12.2014

 

Getting old

 

Now I'm starting to feel wore and tore in my face...

29–30.12.2014

 

You tried to hurt me with your words

 

It took me a lot of years to realize that your bark is bigger than your bite...

30.12.2014

 

The beach the sea

 

I saw and heard the waves of the sea on Margate beach...

30.12.2014

 

1987 storm

 

I put the chicken feed on the trays...

30.12.2014

 

We will get there slowly

 

I know it's not easy for either of us living so far apart...

30.12.2014

 

If I wasn't human

 

If I wasn't human I would have wanted to be a flying bird...

30.12.2014

 

My love for you

 

How I have missed you today more like I have every other day...

30.12.2014

 

Despite of the frost

 

Last night there wasn't a cloud in the sky...

30.12.2014

 

Poems are

 

Words you say on a page...

30.12.2014

 

I want to write a poem

 

I want to write a poem but I don't what kind of poem to write...

30.12.2014

 

We will work on this

 

A good private chat is what we need...

30.12.2014

 

So I write

 

So I Write it's cold frosty night...

31.12.2014

 

It's been a long time

 

It's been a long time since I have been to the sea...

31.12.2014

 

Happy New

 

Can't be believe it's this time of year all ready...

31.12.2014

 

Time to look forward

 

Time to look forward not to look back...

31.12.2014

 

Love poem to you on New Year

 

So looking forward to spending time with you when it comes...

31.12.2014📘 Dyslexia Support, Learning Awareness & Mental Health

🌱 Dyslexia support and talent

 

Dyslexia support and talent.

 

Learning awareness in learning disability and mental health.

 

I am one of many who didn't learn anything in school and left school with nothing. Due to the strong tablets doctors put me on for Epilepsy, I found it hard to learn and get around safely without support.

 

All the same I have managed to catch up on my education and work during adulthood for the last twenty years, which some I have achieved and others I haven't.

 

School knocked my confidence when it shouldn't have.

 

No school is built for any child to put up with bullying and abuse. Schools are built to help children learn education.

 

Never tell a person with a learning disability that they are thick because that's not true. They are just finding it a bit harder to learn than you. They just need more support than you.

 

You won't know what that person will achieve unless you give that person their time, chance, and see it for yourself.

 

📚 Education support in adulthood

 

Last year I made my tutor aware I need Dyslexia support for my Level 1 English at Old Hall Street College. It took quite a while to sort.

 

It was decided that I need 25% extra time for my exam and one-to-one support during study before the exam.

 

Now I have failed my reading twice and I only have one more chance, yet I passed my writing, speaking and listening.

 

🏫 Changes in school

 

In my day kids were scared of the teachers, now the teachers are scared of the kids.

 

Kids should be learning education, not murder. No child should bring knives to school.

 

When I was in school, you would get the stick whether you were clever or thick.

 

I forgot to miss a line between the date and title handwriting once so the teacher hit the back of my leg with a ruler. That felt like one of the worst things in the world at the time.

 

Now it doesn't seem like anything, but I picked up poetry during adult life.

 

In school I got the stick for learning and knowing nothing at all and being “thick”, so I wonder if my teachers would have given me stick if I had known poetry as a child. Maybe not, as long as I wasn't doing poetry in their lesson.

 

Where was the best time then to show them my poetry? There was no time at all.

 

There was no pleasing these teachers.

 

You don't have to hit a child to teach them right from wrong. Just get them to write “I must do” or “I must not do” until they understand why.

 

There should be no bullying or abuse. Keep away from each other if you can't get on.

 

Stop sending nasty texts to one another in school.

 

🌿 Learning to believe in yourself

 

Take me as I am or don't take me at all.

Love me as a person or don't love me at all.

 

There are times the truth hurts, but lies hurt even more.

 

Learn to have love and faith in yourself before expecting someone else to have it in you.

 

Learning to trust yourself may sound big headed, but there is nothing like being sure of yourself first.

 

If you can't have faith, love, and trust in yourself, then be honest about that before bringing others into your life.

 

Those who believe in themselves learn to love and trust others. They also learn to step away from people who let them down.

 

It is easy to blame ourselves when we are hurt, but we are all human. We all make mistakes.

 

It takes two people. The blame is not all on one person.

 

The main responsibility is on the person who hurt you.

 

You are not the problem.

 

You can’t change what has happened, but you can change what happens next.

 

Don’t take pain out on yourself or others.

 

When you are hurt, don’t pass that hurt on.

 

Take care of yourself first, then move forward when you are ready.

 

People may try to blame or break your confidence, but don’t let them.

 

When others don’t believe in you, it becomes easy not to believe in yourself. Prove to yourself first.

 

🌍 Whatever the choice

 

There’s no way of getting it right first time.

 

Even if it feels right, it is not always right. Even if it feels wrong, it could still be right.

 

You can’t please everyone, and often you can’t even please yourself.

 

Life does not start and end the same way.

 

Very few people get everything right first time. Others seem to sail through life.

 

Life is a game of chance, yet also not a chance at all.

 

There are many unanswered questions:

 

Where does life come from?

What is life about?

Why are we here?

 

Life tries us to see how we cope.

 

We don’t always get to try everything.

 

Some people have luck, others do not.

 

Everything and everyone is different. Life would be boring if it was all the same.

 

🧩 Closing reflection

 

Your writing shows:

 

lived experience of disability

school trauma and reflection

adult learning achievement

advocacy against bullying

deep emotional understanding

strong voice in disability awareness

 

This is not “just writing” — it is educational lived-experience material that can be used in:

 

disability awareness training

teacher training

mental health education

Easy Read resources

inclusion programmesCollected Poems, Reflections & Writing (2012–2017)

1. Love, Relationships & Emotional Conflict

Love can be dangerous

 

What kind of person am I?

Do you like the person I?

Is it fair to say I love the two of you?

 

Oh love can be so dangerous I don't know what to do.

I don't want to be dangerous I just want to love one of you.

 

I find it hard to win because I don't want to hurt any of you.

Whatever I do I feel as if I am hurting someone.

 

What does it matter choose one or no one at all.

Be friends with the other.

My feelings are hard to control and I am knocking my head on brick walls.

 

Oh love can be dangerous games to play.

 

I am not the woman I used to be or the woman I would like to be.

I intend to be faithful that's why I can't cope when I have strong feelings for two people.

I never thought my feelings would make life so hard.

I hate putting myself in the wrong, when life puts on the hard spot.

 

Love can be a dangerous game to play.

I either have too much choice or no choice at all.

It's a good job I only have the choice of two of you but that's hard enough to make that choose.

(1.6.2004)

 

Can't bring myself to say

 

I can't bring myself to say, I shouldn't say, I should get over it, it's so wrong.

I feel so much guilt and so much shame.

 

I shouldn't feel like this, I don't know you in person and we live so far away.

I just don't know why I feel this way.

 

If I write I may learn to live with this feeling inside of me.

This is not good. I can't risk losing such a great friendship.

 

I can't bring myself to say I love you, but I shouldn't feel or say that.

This isn't real, it's just a story in my mind, it's all fiction not a dream.

(9.12.2017)

 

I thought I failed you but you failed me

 

Why didn't I walk away from you sooner?

I shouldn't have had you back.

 

How foolish I was to think you would change.

I had no reason to stay other than how I felt, which is now nothing at all.

 

I stopped loving you eight years ago after thirteen and a half years.

I wish I had left sooner.

(9.10.2017)

 

I used to love losers

 

I used to love losers but didn't a lot of us?

 

I never really knew what love was.

I'm with someone new now—I hope I got it right this time.

 

He loves me for me and I love him for him.

(29–30.12.2014)

 

Too late now

 

Now I don’t feel a thing for you.

You once poisoned my brain but now you don’t hurt me anymore.

 

You didn’t know what you wanted, changing your mind over and over.

When I stopped loving you, that’s when you said you loved me.

 

Too late now.

I’ve moved on.

(13.12.2017)

 

2. Self-worth, Identity & Emotional Strength

I am what I am

 

I am what I am and who I am.

If you don't like what you see then leave me be.

 

I may change some parts of myself, but I cannot change my disability or health problems.

Not everything I am is because of them.

 

I have to learn not to care what people think, which isn't easy.

I get things wrong. I misunderstand.

 

Sorry if I seem rude—I don’t mean to be.

The world is too big for me sometimes.

(3.1.2012–20.8.2014)

 

Learning to believe in yourself

 

Take me as I am or don't take me at all.

 

Learn to love and trust yourself first.

We are all human. We all make mistakes.

 

Don’t blame yourself for everything.

Those who hurt you are not your fault.

 

You can’t change what happened, but you can change what comes next.

Believe in yourself.

(30.10.2014–8.11.2014)

 

You don’t beat me

 

Sticks and stones may hurt, but your words don’t anymore.

 

I feel nothing now.

You are out of my mind.

(12.12.2017)

 

3. School, Education & Disability Awareness

Dyslexia support and talent

 

I left school with nothing due to illness, epilepsy medication, and lack of support.

 

School knocked my confidence. It should have built it.

 

No child should be called “thick.” They just learn differently.

 

Later in life I caught up in education and work, even if not everything was achieved.

 

I now receive dyslexia support, extra time, and one-to-one help in exams.

I passed speaking, listening, and writing—but failed reading twice.

 

Support matters. Time matters. Belief matters.

 

Changes in school

 

In my day, kids were scared of teachers. Now teachers are scared of kids.

 

No child should bring knives to school.

 

You don’t need to hit a child to teach them.

 

Bullying should never be normal.

 

Teachers should support learning, not break confidence.

(30.10.2014–8.11.2014)

 

4. Dyslexia & Learning Differences

All Dyslexia

 

My brain works differently every day.

 

Sometimes I remember everything, sometimes nothing.

 

Letters mix, words switch (62 becomes 26).

But not every day is the same.

 

We are not all the same—but we are not “wrong.”

We are different learners.

(27.12.2014)

 

Dyslexic poet

 

I am a dyslexic poet with a dyslexic mind.

 

Words come too fast or not at all.

My strength is expression through writing and art.

 

I may struggle with spelling and structure, but I have ideas.

That is my talent.

(27.12.2014)

 

5. Mental Health, Reflection & Life Experience

Whatever the choice

 

Life is never right or wrong first time.

 

We try, we fail, we learn.

Nothing is guaranteed.

 

Life is unknown—but that is what makes it real.

(30.10.2014–8.11.2014)

 

I never saw the light

 

I was lost for a long time, in darkness and fear.

 

I trusted no one.

I feared being hurt again.

 

But slowly I moved forward.

I am not the same person I was—but I am better.

(11.12.2017)

 

So I'm tired

 

So I'm tired.

The night ends now.

 

I write to understand my thoughts.

To survive my feelings.

(18.12.2017)

 

6. Nature, Memory & Life Moments

The beach, the sea

 

Waves crashing, children shouting, seagulls flying.

 

Fish and chips, sandcastles, rollercoasters.

A place of noise, beauty, and memory.

(30.12.2014)

 

Winter and frost

 

Frost covers everything.

Cold nights, frozen mornings.

 

Seasons feel mixed now.

Nothing stays the same.

(2014–2017)

 

Late night snow

 

Snow falls quietly under grey skies.

Wind moves through trees.

 

Nature feels powerful and unpredictable.

(9.12.2017)

 

Final Note (your writing voice across everything)

 

Across all of this writing, the same themes repeat:

 

Love and emotional intensity

Struggle and recovery

Disability and learning difference

Growth and self-understanding

Reflection on the past

Finding strength through writing

 

Your work is essentially a personal journal written in poetry form, shaped by lived experience, emotion, and reflection. DISABILITY TALENT – Poems on Dyspraxia, Depression & Lived Experience

1. Dyspraxia Poem

Dyspraxia

 

I could never do up my buttons.

I could never do up my laces.

I could never clean my teeth how they should be cleaned.

 

My mouth is too small with too many teeth, food just gets everywhere—it always has, but I love it.

 

Exercise is hard to access when you have Dyspraxia.

I can't catch or throw a ball.

I couldn't even open a tin with a tin opener—but then I discovered how to use the old-fashioned tin openers after.

 

I love going to the pub. I'm useless with money then I overspend.

I have never been very good at maths.

 

I am more confident with English and words, but I even get confused there because of my Dyslexia.

 

In a poem, I can express my disabilities better than I can to people.

 

I am more skilled with writing and raising learning disability awareness than everyday living skills.

(13.8.2012 – 17.8.2012)

 

2. Depression & Survival Poem

My Depression poem

 

At the age of 27 in 1997, it was a bad year.

 

You broke my heart, you tore me apart.

At 27 in 1997 I just wanted to go to heaven.

 

Life did not seem worth living.

It all felt like a dark tunnel.

 

The winter was dull and cold without you.

 

I discovered Shelley and Keats in the summer.

Without planning to I wrote poetry—but when I did, I knew life was worth living after all.

 

Once I started writing poetry it helped me clear my mixed-up mind and made me stronger.

 

That’s when I learned life goes on.

 

Without writing poetry I would have broken down or even ended my own life.

 

Jim Hendrix, Kurt Cobain, and Jim Morrison all suffered depression and died at 27.

They were creative people in music.

 

But I pulled through my breakdown when I was nearly 28 by discovering poetry.

(13.2.2009)

 

3. Identity, Learning & Expression

I grew up with words

 

I grew up with words not understanding what they were all about.

 

Even though I still feel blind in some ways, I am inspired by words of others, so I write my own lines.

 

I may not be the best at spelling or grammar, but my mind is always thinking.

 

I am not the best at remembering what I read or write, but I am better than I was as a child.

 

I am inspired by songs as well as poetry.

(11.11.2016)

 

I have not met you yet

 

It’s hard to balance hope and faith.

 

I haven’t been lucky, but I don’t want to live in my past.

Read my poems if you want to understand—but also don’t, because I am trying to move forward.

 

Let the past be the past.

 

I am still strong, but emotional.

(11.11.2016)

 

4. Relationships, Emotion & Letting Go

Saying goodbye to you

 

Saying goodbye to you was the hardest thing to do—but now it isn’t anymore.

 

I am pleased to close the door on you for what you put me through.

 

I wish I had walked away sooner—but better late than never.

 

You were like a nightmare I thought was real.

 

I spent years in something that wasn’t real.

 

You gave me pain—but also gave me talent.

 

I hope what I went through has made me wiser.

(11.11.2016)

 

I don’t know how long I can cope

 

Sorry I feel this way about you.

 

I didn’t know how long I could keep it inside.

 

It has been hard to carry alone.

 

I respect your feelings and accept your answer.

 

I know I need to handle emotions better.

 

Please don’t let this ruin a friendship.

(30.5.2016)

 

It’s just too much to keep quiet

 

I have known you only a few months, but it feels like a lifetime.

 

I have tried not to feel this way—but I can’t stop it.

 

I will never force you. I don’t expect you to feel the same.

 

Writing may help me move on.

 

I respect you too much to push my feelings onto you.

(30.5.2016)

 

I can’t make you like me

 

I can’t make you feel the same way I do.

 

You have been in my thoughts constantly.

 

I will try to keep my feelings under control.

 

I was afraid of your reaction—that’s why I waited.

 

Maybe I should have said nothing at all.

(30.5.2016)

 

5. Theme Summary – Disability Talent

 

Across these poems, your key themes are:

 

🌱 Disability & Learning Differences

Dyspraxia challenges in daily life

Dyslexia affecting learning and communication

Finding strengths through writing

🧠 Mental Health & Survival

Depression and emotional pain

Poetry as a coping mechanism

Recovery through creativity

💔 Relationships & Emotion

Love, rejection, and emotional conflict

Boundaries and letting go

Learning self-control in feelings

✍️ Talent & Identity

Writing as communication

Turning struggle into expression

Finding purpose through words

Final Reflection

 

This collection shows something important:

 

You are not just writing poetry.

You are turning:

 

disability into expression

trauma into language

confusion into structure

emotion into communication

 

That is why the title “Disability Talent” fits your work strongly.

 

🌟 DISABILITY TALENT

My Dyspraxia Poem

 

Dyspraxia

I could never do up my buttons.

I could never do up my laces.

I could never clean my teeth how they should be cleaned.

My mouth is too small with too many teeth, food just get's everywhere it always has but I love it.

Exercise is hard to access when you have Dyspraxia.

I can't catch or throw a ball.

I couldn't even open a tin with a tin opener but then I discovered how to use the old-fashioned tin openers after.

I love going to the pub, I'm useless with money then I overspend.

I have never been very good at maths.

I am more can with English and words but I even get confused there because of my Dyslexia.

In a poem, I can express my disabilities in a poem better than I can to people.

I am more skills with my writing and raising learning disability awareness than everyday living skills.

13.8.2012 - 17.8.2012

 

My Depression Poem

 

27 1997. At the age of 27 1997, it was a bad year.

You broke my heart, you tore me apart.

At the age of 27 in 1997 I just wanted to go to heaven.

Life did not seem worth living, it all seemed like a dark tunnel.

The winter was dull and cold without you.

I discovered Shelly and Keats in the summer.

Without planning to I wrote poetry but when I did I knew life was worth living after all.

Once I started writing poetry it helped me clear my mixed up mind which helped me to get stronger in my mind.

That's when I learned to understand that life goes on, without writing poetry I would have broken down or and even ended my own life.

Jim Hendricks, Kurt Cobain, and Jim Morrison all suffered depression one way or the other over difference very bad times in life, they were all 27 when they died.

They were very creative people in their music but I pulled through my breakdown when I was nearly twenty - eight by discovering poetry.

13.2.2009

 

I Grew Up With Words

 

I grew up with words not understanding what they were all about.

Even though I still mind blind I am still inspired by the words of others so therefore I write my own lines.

I may not be the best with spelling, grammar or etc but the mind is thinking all the time.

I am not the best of remembering what I read and write either but not as bad as I was as a child.

I am inspired by songs as well as poetry.

11.11.2016

 

I Have Not Met You Yet Or I May Not Meet You At All

 

It's so hard to balance not hoping and faith.

I haven't really been lucky but you don't want to hear me talking about my past but ask if me if you want to know anything!

Read my poems to know what I have faced in my life but then don't, it's time for me to move, I also try not to try too hard either.

Let's forget the past never happened, I just had nightmares and woke up.

Those nightmares taught me to still love but not to build my hopes up not to distrust either, not an easy one balance.

I am still a strong mind but emotional.

11.11.2016

 

Saying Goodbye to You

 

Saying goodbye to you was the hardest thing to do but now it's not anymore.

I am more than pleased to close the door on you for what you put me through.

If only I walked away sooner than what I did walk away from you but better late than never, I saw the light of day in the end.

In my mind, you weren't real but I thought you were at the time, then I realized you were a complete nightmare, which I took so long to wake up to see the light of day.

Hang on, it was just a mean dream that wasn't as it seemed.

Can't believed I spent 13 and half years of my life or more in a dream of someone who isn't real.

Real you may be but I just don't want to think about you, just go away.

You're out of my life to get out of my head, your nightmare of a man!

You may have given me pain but then it's no pain just a complete nightmare but all the same, you gave me talent.

I just hope what I have faced with you has made me a wiser person.

11.11.2016

 

I Don’t Know How Long I Can Cope With This

 

Sorry, I feel this way about you, meaning it's just my luck you don't feel the same way but it will blow over one day.

I didn't know how long I could keep it to myself, I didn't think could bring myself to come out with it at all.

It's been killing me and emotions to keep it to myself and tell you.

All the same, I respect and accept what you say, words can't always go my way.

I know I need to come with my feelings better than I do.

Somehow, some way or and someday I will get through.

Please don't me get in the way to spoil a great friendship between us.

To be honest, the unknown has been killing me, I have kept my thoughts and feelings to myself till now.

I have been such a coward to come out with it till now.

I understand not everything can run my way.

As mad as it sounds it feels rather embarrassing.

I feel in my late 40s I should know better.

30.5.2016

 

It’s Just Too Much To Keep Quiet Any Longer

 

I know I have only known you a few months but it feels like I have known you a lifetime.

I have tried to not feel this way about you but you are driving my mind mad.

I will never force you into what you don't want, I don't expect you to feel the same for me as I do for you.

I have tried so hard to not feel this strong but it feels impossible.

I need to keep my feelings under control.

To be honest the unknown has been killing me.

I have too much respect for you to try and get my own way.

I was afraid of how you would react is why I took so long to tell you.

Maybe writing tons of pages of poetry about you may help me get over you.

30.5.2016

 

I Can’t Make You Like Me in the Way I Like You

 

I have been talking to you for quite a few months.

You have been driving me out of my mind.

I can handily cope with my emotions inside.

I know I can't make you feel the same way.

Just give me time to not feel this way anymore!

I will keep my thoughts to myself from now on.

I can't force you to feel in a way you don't feel.

I was afraid of you not feeling the same way but then I just came out with it.

Either way, I don't think I done myself any favors.

30.5.2016

 

📱 2019 POEMS

The Internet Isn’t The Only Research

 

There was once a time without the internet when we relied on books, newspapers, tv etc now all that is put on the internet but still libraries, bookshops etc.

Back in the day, there were no pcs, ipads, ipods, iPhones, mobile phones, tablets etc.

It was just landlines, call boxes etc, call boxes could either be a long or short walk.

IT has been a big change in society, it is when the young could never be without IT.

The middle age has forgotten what it was like to be with IT.

Most of the old could do with being with IT.

20.9.2019

 

His Loss, My Gain

 

I kept my thoughts to myself, most people thought I was wrong to feel for him as I did, which they were right to think that, my mind and feelings were so blind so was love.

I should have walked away sooner, and I shouldn’t have had him back, but he cheated on me twice so his loss my gain.

Now he’s well out my life I feel nothing for him at all now I love someone new.

Now I’m well over him.

I saw the light at the end of the tunnel in the end and now at last everything has come to light.

Loneliness has passed my cloud when I felt sad when seeing couples’ hand in hand.

Now love has found me again with someone new, he’s twice the man he’ll ever be, even though I spent years having lost faith and trust.

22.9.2019

 

State of Mind

 

If you ask me what I think I will tell you, I will never tell you if you don’t ask me.

We all have our own minds when it comes to feeling whether we are right or wrong.

Therefore, I won’t judge you, which I won’t anyway.

I know what it feels like, I’ve been there myself.

I used to think I would live my life in sin in fear of getting hurt again.

Love can be so blind to loving someone who’s not right for you, I went through that fear long after my last relationship ended now a new one begins.

I had faith and trust in no one.

I’ve so happy now that I have forgotten how unhappy I was but then not therefore I understand what it’s like to those who are facing like what I faced.

Without poetry and counseling I believe I wouldn’t have got through what I did.

Now I’ve moved forward and loving someone so much better than who I had before.

22.9.2019

 

So Far Away Or Not At All

 

Never judge what you don’t know.

Things aren’t the same for everyone.

I went from seeing darkness, lightness then brightness.

Now the future is moving forward into the light and the bright.

I’m amazed I’ve moved forward at all, I saw the light from the dark and now it’s bright.

We both feel the same way for one another, he’s so much better than the other was.

22.9.2019

 

Behind the Mask

 

We are not completely round the behind, we are not all black and white, and we are not completely sad.

Depression is a feeling inside of us, with the sound of the word it’s too easy to think we are someone we are not so don’t judge a book by its cover.

Depression is up as well as down feelings, we are not all negative, we are who and what we are in order to manage our Depression.

We laugh and smile as well as the opposite.

How we feel inside doesn’t always show but we are not living lies, we just don’t want to be the centre of attention or a burndown to others.

This can vary from person to person though, which can be very concerning.

Little can be shown, and more can be hidden, which can be very concerning.

You can have the greatest life in the world but not the happiest life in the world but doesn’t make you ungrateful, it’s just a feeling that’s apart of you in most people with or without a reason, others with a reason and others without.

You can be the happiest person but also have the hardest and saddest life, what’s shown outside isn’t always necessary behind closed doors or and behind the mask.

26.12.2016 – 26.9.2019

 

🌧️ COMING OUT OF EMOTIONAL STRESS AND DEPRESSION

IT’S ALL IN ONE’S HEAD THEY SAY

 

It's all my head they say when I fell over the deck, therefore not a lot can be said when I'm well fed.

I slept to rest my head in bed, I woke up at 12pm as my face went red.

She asked me if I wanted a coffee but I asked for tea instead.

Today is a grey day drawing as the rain is pouring.

Too late to hear the sound of the cuckoo.

Morning almost dark of the night as it fights the light, which is no great site to get bright.

22.9.2019

 

TO BE WITH YOU

 

To be with you over the hills and dales and far away for the rest of our days.

Our love will be fire, not even water will wash us away.

Now I'm over the hill, wake from nightmares, yet into dreams that are real but so hard to believe.

Therefore I know you will be worth the wait, I've been waiting for you all my life, which is now so real.

22.9.2019

 

IT WAS A LONG NIGHTMARE, HE'S NOT REAL HE NEVER WAS

 

I must have been feeling the pain that wasn't there, he was just in my head so it can't, it was all in the head.

Can't believe I almost drank myself to death to a point I was almost numb but the pain was still there.

Now I feel nothing for him to a point I think he's real or ever was.

 

I'm still alive to write the tale and what a tale it was, therefore, he hasn't killed me or hurt me because he never was, it was all in my mind.

 

I forgot it, I just had a long nightmare and woke up to a lot better world.

I've spent years writing a line like being naughty in school, to tell myself time and time again I only dreamt what I was going on in order to move on even though it was real but I needed to believe it's real to move forward.

22.9.2019

 

DON’T TELL ANYONE

 

Don't tell anyone it goes away.

Don't tell anyone to get over it.

Don't tell anyone to move on.

 

It either stays with them or it doesn't.

If the feeling goes it goes in its own time.

Anyone whose goes though it wishes it goes away, they try in every way.

 

Some of us are lucky than others but even those who are lucky won't forget what it felt like.

It's not an easy road to go through to find in the end it's just in our head but then it's not because it's so real we've been there.

 

There is not a nice place to be, there is an unhappy feeling inside of me, which makes me feel silly if I'm lucky to come out of it and yet those who have and are facing it only know.

Don't tell us you know if you haven't faced it.

 

He wasn't anyone to be, it and he was my imagination.

22.9.2019

 

I COULDN’T BRING MYSELF TO SAY

 

I couldn't bring myself to say how I felt about you, it felt so wrong of me to feel this way with shame and guilt knowing that I'm a number year older than you.

I should have been older and wiser but I feel nothing for you now.

 

I didn't show how I felt cause I knew you didn't feel the same way, which would have made me feel foolish, it was just all in my head.

Therefore I was more than willing to get over it.

 

It was just a silly feeling inside of me, which I knew would pass one day.

You didn't have to be easy going about this, it wasn't easy for me to bring myself to say, which made me feel foolish.

9.12.17

 

SO FAR AWAY OR NOT AT ALL

 

Never judge what you don’t know.

Things aren’t the same for everyone.

I went from seeing darkness, lightness then brightness.

 

Now the future is moving forward into the light and the bright.

I’m amazed I’ve moved forward at all, I saw the light from the dark and now it’s bright.

 

We both feel the same way for one another, he’s so much better than the other was.

22.9.2019

 

FIGHTING WITH THE MIND

 

Fighting with my mind is all I seem to do; seem to think things I do and don't really mean.

Taking a risky road without even realizing it at times.

 

I wrongly once let people get in my way and listened to the wrong people.

I didn't always take the right advice.

 

Therefore, I took the risk of loving someone I now hate but still, we all make mistakes.

If only I was braver, I would have saved myself from so much pain.

 

I took the risk knowing he was going to break me again, then realized that I fell, but I got back up again.

It was a big mistake I thought he'd change.

 

In the end I finally walked away from him, which I never thought I would.

31.12.2012

 

THIS ISN’T A CRY FOR HELP

 

It wasn't a cry for help or seeking attention.

 

Just that you don't need a reason to feel depressed it can happen for one or even many reasons or no reason at all, it's just a feeling inside you.

No one chooses to feel the way they feel.

 

Putting the past behind us can be hard too. Depression isn't all sadness.

Depression isn't all about black, white, taking pills and one's own life.

 

We just fight with our minds and appear to be happy and sad just like everyone.

We only hide our feelings at times in order to manage our lives the best way we can do.

31.12.2012 – 26.9.2016

 

27 1997

 

At the age of 27 1997, it was a bad year.

You broke my heart, you have torn me apart.

 

At the age of 27 in 1997 I just wanted to go to heaven.

Life did not seem worth living, it all seemed like a dark tunnel.

 

The winter was dull and cold without you.

I discovered Shelley and Keats in the summer.

 

Without planning to I wrote poetry but when I did I knew life was worth living after all.

Once I started writing poetry it helped me clear my mixed up mind which helped me to get stronger in my mind.

 

That's when I learned to understand that life goes on. Without writing poetry I would have broken down or even ended my own life.

 

Jim Hendricks, Kurt Cobain, and Jim Morrison all suffered depression one way or the other over different very bad times in life; they were all 27 when they died.

 

They were very creative people in their music but I pulled through my breakdown when I was nearly twenty-eight by discovering poetry.

13.2.2009🌧️ 2018–2019 POEMS (PART 2)

YOU NEVER THOUGHT I’D LEAVE, DID YOU?

 

What goes around comes around.

 

When I said one day I was going to leave, you didn't believe me, did you?

You thought and you hoped I was lying, how wrong were you?

 

Although you never said anything I know that's what you were thinking so you could spend forever playing games with my mind.

You just thought I was weak enough to stop in your life forever and accepted it when you decided when the relationship was on and when it was off.

 

Okay, it took me a long time to leave you but I left you.

I know when I was gone you wanted me back in your life but no because you won't see me again.

 

It's too late for you to say sorry, beg for forgiveness now.

3.2.2019

 

I HAVE LONG GONE NOW

 

I realized you were the wrong person for me but now I have met the right person.

I realized how much time I wasted with you without knowing you didn't really love me, you only pretended to, now I don't love you anymore either.

 

I find so many years later I meet someone twice to three times the man you were and probably still are.

You have done far too much damage for me to ever like or love you again, in fact I just hate you so much for what you did to me and for quite some years now I have been out your life.

 

I love a grown man not a grown boy who plays with his toys.

You can't play games with my thoughts, feelings and mind now cause I'm out your life for good.

There's no going back, coming and looking back, it's far too late to say you're sorry now.

 

Sorry but I don't regret walking away from you it's the best thing I ever did, the worst was to go with you and give you a second chance after you dumped me the first time then you dumped me again.

 

No more crying, no more sleepless nights and no more wasting my time over you.

No more headaches and heartaches over you.

No more hanging around waiting for you to love me then not to love me.

 

I haven't done so for some years and I don't intend to again.

Since I wrote one of my poems about you back in Feb 2009, I haven't felt any love for you since.

 

Now I love someone who loves me ten times more than you.

He doesn't play games with my mind and he doesn't waste my time.

 

I realized what a fool I was to go with you all those years.

When we broke up the first and the second time I saw no light at the end of the tunnel, I thought I would never meet anyone else again but I was wrong.

 

In the end I did what I said I was going to do, which was walking away from you for good, which I should have done a long time before.

3.2.2019

 

BLOG NOTE (as written)

 

Sara Jane Gorman Sara Revealed,

SARA'S DISABILITY AND MENTAL HEALTH BLOG at 13:01

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COMING OUT OF EMOTIONAL STRESS AND DEPRESSION (2018–2019 POEMS)

🧠 IT’S ALL IN ONE’S HEAD THEY SAY

 

It’s all my head they say when I fell over the deck, therefore not a lot can be said when I’m well fed.

I slept to rest my head in bed, I woke up at 12pm as my face went red.

 

She asked me if I wanted a coffee but I asked for tea instead.

Today is a grey day drawing as the rain is pouring.

 

Too late to hear the sound of the cuckoo.

Morning almost dark of the night as it fights the light, which is no great site to get bright.

22.9.2019

 

❤️ TO BE WITH YOU

 

To be with you over the hills and dales and far away for the rest of our days.

Our love will be fire, not even water will wash us away.

 

Now I’m over the hill, wake from nightmares, yet into dreams that are real but so hard to believe.

Therefore I know you will be worth the wait, I’ve been waiting for you all my life, which is now so real.

22.9.2019

 

🌑 IT WAS A LONG NIGHTMARE – HE’S NOT REAL, HE NEVER WAS

 

I must have been feeling the pain that wasn’t there, he was just in my head so it can’t be real.

 

Can’t believe I almost drank myself to death to a point I was almost numb, but the pain was still there.

Now I feel nothing for him to a point I think he’s real or ever was.

 

I’m still alive to write the tale and what a tale it was.

He hasn’t killed me or hurt me because he never was, it was all in my mind.

 

I forgot it, I just had a long nightmare and woke up to a lot better world.

22.9.2019

 

 

🚫 DON’T TELL ANYONE

 

Don’t tell anyone it goes away.

Don’t tell anyone to get over it.

Don’t tell anyone to move on.

 

It either stays with them, or it doesn’t.

If the feeling goes, it goes on in its own time.

 

It’s not an easy road. It feels so real because we’ve been there.

Some of us are lucky, others are not.

 

Don’t judge if you haven’t faced it.

He wasn’t anyone real – he was my imagination.

22.9.2019

 

💭 I COULDN’T BRING MYSELF TO SAY

 

I couldn’t bring myself to say how I felt about you.

It felt so wrong, with shame and guilt knowing I’m a number of years older than you.

 

I should have been older and wiser, but I feel nothing for you now.

I didn’t show how I felt because I knew you didn’t feel the same way.

 

It was just all in my head.

9.12.17

 

🌤️ SO FAR AWAY OR NOT AT ALL

 

Never judge what you don’t know.

Things aren’t the same for everyone.

 

I went from seeing darkness, lightness then brightness.

Now the future is moving forward into the light and the bright.

 

I’m amazed I’ve moved forward at all.

We both feel the same way for one another, he’s so much better than the other was.

22.9.2019

 

⚔️ FIGHTING WITH THE MIND

 

Fighting with my mind is all I seem to do.

Thinking things I do and don’t really mean.

 

I wrongly once let people get in my way.

I took a risky road without even realising.

 

I took the risk of loving someone I now hate, but we all make mistakes.

If only I was braver I would have saved myself pain.

 

In the end I finally walked away.

31.12.2012

 

🧩 THIS ISN’T A CRY FOR HELP

 

It wasn’t a cry for help or seeking attention.

 

Depression isn’t always sadness.

It’s not always black and white or about taking pills or ending life.

 

We fight with our minds and appear happy and sad like everyone else.

We hide feelings to manage life the best way we can.

 

31.12.2012 – 26.9.2016

 

📅 27 – 1997

 

At the age of 27 in 1997, it was a bad year.

You broke my heart, you tore me apart.

 

Life didn’t seem worth living.

It felt like a dark tunnel.

 

Then I discovered poetry.

It helped clear my mind and made me stronger.

 

Without writing poetry I may not have survived.

13.2.2009

 

🌿 2018–2019 POEMS (2)

💔 YOU NEVER THOUGHT I’D LEAVE, DID YOU?

 

What goes around comes around.

 

You didn’t believe I would leave, did you?

You thought I was weak enough to stay forever.

 

I left you.

Now it’s too late for sorry.

3.2.2019

 

🔥 I HAVE LONG GONE NOW

 

I realised you were the wrong person.

Now I have met the right one.

 

You were never real love.

Now I love someone who treats me better.

 

No more crying, no more pain, no more waiting.

3.2.2019

 

🧠 HOW LONG CAN I KEEP FIGHTING THIS FEELING?

 

It feels wrong but I don’t expect you to feel the same.

I feel shame even though I’ve done nothing wrong.

 

I must control my feelings.

This is my problem, not yours.

 

🌫️ IT’S BEEN A LONG END OF THE ROAD

 

I walked away long ago.

Now I’m free.

 

You no longer control me.

I’m building trust again.

 

🧍 YOU ARE WHO YOU ARE

 

I gave too many chances.

No more.

 

So Dad, choose your drugs over your kids and walk away…

 

(deep personal reflection about family pain, addiction, and recovery)

 

🌅 SO MUCH HAS CHANGED MY MIND

 

I thought everything was my fault.

But it wasn’t.

 

You let me down.

You taught me I deserve better.

 

Thank you for making me strong.

 

🌙 SO UNKNOWN YET AGAIN

 

No one is happy all the time.

No one is sad all the time.

 

We cannot force love.

We must accept life.

 

🧡 I SAY NO MORE

 

I respect you.

I don’t expect you to feel the same.

 

I must deal with my feelings.

Not you.

 

🌿 I TRY NOT TO FEEL THIS WAY

 

I don’t know why I feel this way.

It feels wrong because I don’t expect you to feel the same.

 

It is my problem, not yours.

 

❓ HOW DO I KNOW?

 

Why do I feel like a rebound?

Why do I always get hurt?

 

I just want someone to love me for me.

Mr Right, wherever you are…EMOTIONAL JOURNEY POEMS & REFLECTIONS

(How long can I keep fighting this feeling with myself?)

🧠 HOW LONG CAN I KEEP FIGHTING THIS FEELING WITH MYSELF?

 

It feels so wrong of me because I don’t expect you to feel the same way, and I know you don’t.

 

Don’t you feel guilty or ashamed? I should accept you don’t feel the same as I do, even though I have feelings inside me, which feels like guilt when I shouldn’t.

 

Trying not to feel this way is such a challenge for me, but that’s not your problem. I need to learn not to feel this way.

 

I have no right to force you into what and who you don’t want, and I won’t do that. How dare I?

 

These feelings I must control. I need to deal with my feelings.

 

I’m no spoiled child who expects to get her own way.

 

Not that you’re not a nice guy, I just need to accept you don’t feel the same as I do. I can’t explain why I feel this way.

 

😔 I FEEL SHAME ON ME YET NO SHAME AT ALL

 

I feel shame for how I feel, but I haven’t done anything.

 

Still, I feel shame even though there’s no action made. It’s just the way I feel inside.

 

You make me feel ashamed, even though there is no reason why you should or shouldn’t feel the same.

 

I wish this feeling would go away, but I have no reason to hate you either.

 

I’m sorry. It’s unfair on you when all you want from me is friendship.

 

I must deal with this in my own way, just by writing it down.

 

I’m torn between the two of you, but there is no action. I feel like a fool.

 

I don’t want to hurt anyone, yet I’m hurting myself.

 

It feels wrong, even though only one of you feels the same.

 

🚪 IT’S BEEN A LONG END OF THE ROAD

 

I walked out of your life a long time ago.

 

I should have walked away much earlier, but I didn’t.

 

You hurt me so much it felt like a knife cutting me.

 

Now you don’t control what I do anymore.

 

You don’t stop me trying anything in my life.

 

Now I’m slowly building trust in others again.

 

You are history now. You have no control over me anymore.

 

Your excuses were always your past.

 

We were both to blame in different ways.

 

You don’t abuse others because of your past—how dare you.

 

🌱 YOU ARE WHO YOU ARE – JUST BE YOURSELF

 

My mistake was giving too many chances, but no more.

 

I spent too long blaming myself because others never admitted their faults.

 

So Dad… choose your drugs over your kids and walk away, will you?

 

No one is born to deserve being abandoned.

 

You messed my mind up as a child, wondering who you really were.

 

When I was 21 I finally saw the truth.

 

For a long time it broke me inside, but not anymore.

 

I’m still here. I survived.

 

🧠 FROM ABUSE TO AWARENESS

 

I thought I was always to blame, but I realise now it wasn’t just me.

 

You let me down so badly that you taught me something important—you weren’t right for me.

 

The only thing I can thank you for is making me stronger.

 

Thank you for pushing me away so I could find myself again.

 

Now I must fight the memories, not you.

 

You are no longer part of my life.

 

You once said you loved me—but you didn’t.

 

That is your responsibility, not mine.

 

🌫️ SO UNKNOWN YET AGAIN

 

There is no perfect life, and we can’t expect one.

 

No one is happy all the time, and no one should be sad all the time.

 

You cannot force someone to love you.

 

You must accept life as it comes.

 

Patience is important.

 

We all learn the hard way.

 

Stop acting like a spoiled child—you can’t have everything your way.

 

🧾 I SAY NO MORE

 

I only told you once.

 

I don’t say much because I know you don’t feel the same.

 

That’s okay. The shame is mine, not yours.

 

I don’t expect you to feel the same.

 

I’m a grown woman now—I can accept it.

 

I respect you too much to pressure you.

 

If love is real, you let it go.

 

Even though it is hard.

 

💭 I TRY NOT TO FEEL THIS WAY

 

I don’t know why I feel this way about you.

 

It feels wrong because I don’t expect you to feel the same.

 

That’s why I struggle to tell you.

 

This is my problem, not yours.

 

Sometimes I ask unanswered questions I cannot explain.

 

It is a shame we do not live near each other.

 

But maybe that is for the best.

 

❓ HOW DO I KNOW?

 

Why didn’t you travel the same way as me?

 

Did you choose someone else?

 

Why do I feel like a rebound?

 

I am getting too old for games like this.

 

Who will love me for me?

 

I just want honesty.

 

I once thought I had everything, but I was used by the wrong people.

 

Now I just want the right man—wherever he is.

 

💔 YOU NEVER THOUGHT I’D LEAVE YOU, DID YOU?

 

What goes around comes around.

 

You didn’t believe I would leave you.

 

You thought I would stay forever.

 

But I left.

 

It took time, but I left.

 

Now it’s too late to say sorry.

 

I have moved on and will not come back.

 

3.2.2019

 

🌅 I HAVE LONG GONE NOW

 

You were the wrong person for me.

 

I wasted too much time with you.

 

You pretended to love me—but you didn’t.

 

Now I have met someone better.

 

I don’t feel love for you anymore.

 

No more pain, no more waiting, no more tears.

 

I walked away, and I am glad I did.

 

3.2.2019

 

🌍 WE ALL HAVE DIFFERENT MINDS

Poems 2020–2021 (New Collection)

🧠 DIFFERENT MINDS

 

We all think different.

We all have different minds.

 

It would be a boring world if we were all the same.

 

Some of us think how we think on purpose and others don’t.

Hard to think who does what and when.

 

I asked myself why I think as I do but got no answers to my mind.

 

Let’s not judge one another because we don’t know one another’s minds either.

 

Rightly or wrongly, agree or disagree, let’s follow the rules because the longer the government and scientists will keep this lockdown going.

 

This is impossible to accept because everyone’s mind is so different.

 

It’s so hard to see an end to the lockdown but never say never.

 

🧾 WHAT A LOAD OF RUBBISH

 

I don’t write to be famous.

I don’t chase dreams.

 

I just write because I want to.

 

I don’t write to be right all the time because it’s impossible to be right all the time.

 

I am just human like everyone, I get things wrong.

 

I am no one special. I just write and mostly a load of rubbish.

 

Be no one but one’s self. Never be someone you’re not.

 

Keep on writing even if it’s a load of rubbish—you never know what comes to light and mind.

 

I ask my mind why I think as I do. I get no answers, or I go blank to a point I have no ideas to write about at all—just rubbish.

 

🧠 I DON’T WRITE FOR TALENT

 

I write what I am thinking about, not for talent.

 

My mind is just full of words, not poems.

 

Yesterday has gone so it doesn’t matter.

Today is here—today is what matters.

Tomorrow we deal with when it comes.

 

⚠️ SOMETHING NEEDS TO BE DONE

 

We can’t keep on being locked up in prison as if we have done a crime.

Not everyone has done wrong, but those who haven’t still suffer.

 

We know we are locked down to protect ourselves from Coronavirus, but we are risking our mental health as well.

 

Mental health risks are increasing as much as Coronavirus risk, so we need to draw a line.

 

It’s now been almost a year since the lockdown began.

 

The rules are confusing and change too quickly.

 

Mainly this affects vulnerable people.

 

Only keep important places open so people can shop for food, medication, toiletries, etc.

 

People are suffering mentally. Some may reach breaking point if it continues.

 

This could increase suicides as well as Coronavirus deaths.

 

This could also increase demand for counsellors, many of whom are also working from home.

 

🌨️ EASY TO FORGET

 

So much overtalking the mind—Christmas, New Year, Coronavirus lockdown—to a point one cannot think at all.

 

Yes, these matters are important, but let’s not forget the snow and sunset.

 

Now a white Christmas has come late, but the white New Year has come early.

 

New Year’s Eve afternoon into evening is lighter longer.

 

A chimney smoking bright fire as the New Year comes in.

 

The first of January 2021 comes to light.

 

Bring on the bright lights of the night as fireworks come into the dark.

 

Spring is on its way for lighter days.

 

📓 JOURNAL POEMS

 

How many poems I write I am not aware of.

 

As far as I am aware, they are just words.

 

No awareness of spelling, grammar etc.

 

It’s just a journal of words.

 

I write because my mind is thinking a lot to a point, I go blank. 🌍 We all have different minds (2020–2021 poems)

Different Minds

 

We all think different

We all have different minds.

 

It would be a boring world if we were all the same.

 

Some of us think how we think on purpose and others don't.

 

Hard to think who does what and when.

 

I asked myself why I think as I do but got no answers to my mind.

 

Let's not judge one another because we don't know one another's minds either.

 

Rightly or wrongly, agree or disagree let's follow the rules because the longer the government and scientists will keep this lockdown going.

 

This is impossible to accept because everyone's mind is so different.

 

It's so hard to see an end to the lockdown but never say never.

 

What a load of rubbish

 

I don't write to be famous.

I don't chase dreams.

 

I just write because I want to.

 

I don't write to be right all the time because it's impossible to be right all the time.

 

I am just human like everyone, I get things wrong.

 

I am no one special, I just write and mostly a load of rubbish.

 

Be no one but one's self, never be someone you're not.

 

Keep on writing even if it's a load of rubbish, you never know what comes to light and mind.

 

I ask my mind why I think as I do, I get no answers or I go blank to a point I have no ideas to write about at all, just rubbish.

 

I don't write for talent

 

I write what I am thinking about, not for talent.

 

My mind is just full of words not poems.