Core principle
Abuse is fundamentally a deliberate choice used to gain power and control over another person.
It is not simply caused by stress, anger, or loss of control.
While abuse may sometimes be explained by background factors, it is never excused.
Important Safeguarding Message
- Abuse is a choice
- Abuse is intentional behaviour
- Responsibility always lies with the person who causes harm
- Understanding causes does NOT mean excusing abuse
Main Reasons Why Abuse Occurs
1. Power and control (core reason)
The main driver of abuse is often the need to control another person.
This can include:
- Controlling behaviour, decisions, or movements
- Restricting independence
- Making the other person feel small or powerless
- Feeling “in charge” of the relationship
At its core, abuse is about dominance and control.
2. Learned behaviour
Some people learn abusive behaviour through:
- Childhood environments where abuse was present
- Observing abusive relationships at home
- Friends or social circles
- Media or cultural influences that normalise control or aggression
They may come to see abuse as “normal” or acceptable.
3. Entitlement and belief systems
Some individuals may believe:
- They are more important than others
- They deserve obedience or control
- Their needs come first
- They have a “right” to control a partner or family member
This sense of entitlement can drive abusive behaviour.
4. Lack of emotional skills
Some people may abuse because they:
- Struggle to manage emotions safely
- Lack coping strategies
- Do not know how to handle frustration or rejection
- Respond with aggression or control instead of communication
This is still not an excuse — it reflects poor emotional development.
5. Defensive behaviour
Abuse can sometimes be used as a way to cope with internal feelings such as:
- Shame
- Insecurity
- Emotional pain
- Feeling powerless
Instead of processing these feelings safely, the person may project them onto others through control or harm.
6. Moral disengagement
Some people justify abusive behaviour by:
- Blaming the victim
- Denying responsibility
- Saying it was “a joke”
- Minimising the harm
- Dehumanising the other person
This allows them to avoid accountability.
Key safeguarding clarification
Even when these factors are present:
- They explain behaviour, but do NOT excuse it
- Abuse is still a choice
- Responsibility remains with the person causing harm
- Support for victims must always come first
Why this matters in safeguarding practice
Understanding why abuse happens helps professionals to:
- Recognise risk patterns
- Respond appropriately to disclosures
- Avoid victim-blaming
- Focus on accountability and safety
- Provide trauma-informed support without excusing harm
Support message
If someone is in an unsafe situation, support is available through services such as:
- Domestic abuse helplines (e.g. National Domestic Violence Hotline)
- Local safeguarding services
- Specialist support organisations
Key summary (Easy Read style)
- Abuse is a choice
- Abuse is about power and control
- People may learn abusive behaviour or use it to cope with feelings
- These reasons do not excuse abuse
- The person doing the abuse is responsible
- Victims always deserve safety and support
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