Monday, 20 April 2026

Supporting Someone Experiencing Abuse

 


Core principle

Supporting someone facing abuse means:

  • Listening without judgement
  • Believing their experience
  • Focusing on safety
  • Respecting their choices and pace
  • Not forcing them to leave

📚 (Aligned with guidance from domestic abuse support services and legal education resources such as the Maryland People’s Law Library)


Key Safeguarding Approach

1. Listen and believe

  • Let them speak without interruption
  • Take what they say seriously
  • Reassure them:
    • “I believe you”
    • “This is not your fault”

Belief is one of the most powerful protective responses.


2. Keep it private and safe

  • Speak in a safe, confidential space
  • Ensure the abuser is not present
  • Do not contact or confront the abuser
  • Protect their safety and privacy at all times

3. Do not judge or pressure

Avoid saying:

  • “Why don’t you just leave?”
  • “Why did you let it happen?”
  • “You should do this…”

Instead:

  • Respect their decisions
  • Understand leaving is complex and risky
  • Accept their pace and readiness

4. Offer specific, practical help

Instead of general offers like “let me know if you need anything,” offer clear support:

  • “I can look after your children”
  • “I can drive you to appointments”
  • “I can help you contact services”

Practical help reduces barriers to safety.


5. Help with safety planning (if they want it)

You can support them to:

  • Create a safety plan
  • Identify safe places to go
  • Prepare emergency items
  • Use code words for danger
  • Contact domestic abuse helplines or advocates

Safety planning should always be survivor-led.


6. Provide professional resources

Support them to connect with:

  • Domestic abuse helplines
  • Legal support services
  • Housing support
  • Counselling and advocacy services

These services are trained to provide specialist help.


7. Stay connected

  • Keep in contact where safe
  • Don’t withdraw if they stay in the situation
  • Understand they may not always be able to reply
  • Consistency helps reduce isolation

Isolation is a key tool used in abuse.


What NOT to do

Do NOT:

  • Blame them for what is happening
  • Ask “Why did you stay?”
  • Force them to leave or act
  • Put yourself in danger
  • Confront the abuser directly

These actions can increase risk and harm trust.


Important Safeguarding Messages

1. Safety first

  • The priority is immediate and ongoing safety
  • Not forcing decisions

2. Choice matters

  • Survivors must stay in control of their decisions
  • Even if others disagree with their choice

3. Abuse is not the survivor’s fault

  • Responsibility lies with the person causing harm
  • Support should never shift blame

Emergency reminder

If someone is in immediate danger, contact emergency services (e.g. 911 in the US or local emergency number).


Key summary (Easy Read style)

  • Listen
  • Believe
  • Do not judge
  • Keep them safe
  • Offer practical help
  • Support their choices
  • Stay connected
  • Help them find professional support

Training note

This approach is widely used in:

  • Domestic abuse services
  • Safeguarding training
  • Social care and health services
  • Legal and victim support guidance

📚 (Consistent with guidance from domestic abuse education and legal support frameworks, including the Maryland People’s Law Library and US/UK safeguarding practice)

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